Why is it so difficult to say those words when you are about to refuse doing something.

We think of all sorts of excuses to avoid having to say: I just don't want to.

Some time ago when I asked someone about something he stopped doing, I expected all sorts of fancy excuses and what I heard to my surprise is that he simply didn't want to anymore.

I think we avoid it because we think it's hurtful, and we'd rather say anything else than that truth. But saying it is liberating and in-your-face surprising because it's authentic. And so it may just be appreciated.

the Sun to the Earth

photo credit

wonderfully said. Let's stop walking around with a belief of entitlement, of expectations of other people, what they should do for us because we are deserving. We are all standing separate and anything we do each other comes from our free will, not to be taken for granted, and certainly not to expect something in return.
Be grateful for each experience, each 'teacher' who has touched your path this year. There's no place for regrets, for everything has contributed to your journey and offered lessons. There's no wasted time, if things haven't turned out the way you hoped and worked on, it doesn't mean the experience hasn't offered valuable lessons. Try to deal with disappointments with acceptance and humbleness, practice detachment.
We don't owe each other anything at all, so anything we get from another person is a gift to say thank you for.
Experiences are not promised to last, they will come and go, we will learn the lesson to enjoy while we can and not look back with anger and regret but with gratitude and enjoyment that it was all part of our lives.

fearlessly authentic

photo here

As I am reading this blog talk about shame and how well we were taught to feel shameful and how we cannot let go of this as adults either, I am thinking how different our lives would be if we were more shameless. Fearless. Tonight my friends and I discussed the idea that so much of our lives is governed by fear... but I'm thinking more along the lines of what we would be like if we weren't so afraid and wouldn't feel embarrassed. If we felt free to do what we want. Sometimes it comes natural to let go and not care, most of the time we find it difficult not to care. Not to care of what others think.

That's why this post has touched me because I absolutely love it when someone just puts it out there. When you have the guts to lay it out there, your thoughts pure and uncensored, unabashed, the way you are. That's where we tamper with our creativity, when we start editing and criticising our instinctive work, based on what we think others will think of us. Sometimes we do everything to hide what we think others will not like about us, what we think are our shortcomings. We do a lot of editing to improve our image. In the process of the editing, our true self gets lost.

On the rarer occasions we feel more gutsy and shameless, we realise that we are the ones running the show and no one can judge us without our consent. They can and will judge, but it is only with our consent that it affects us.

So then, how can you act today if you felt more fearless? What would you do, say or what would dress like? We often get into the role-playing so much that we forget what it is that would make us passionate about being ourselves. What would be different if you cared less about them and more about being you?

the way to happiness...

I was reading this quote yesterday which said that we feel happiest when we are working toward a goal and I was thinking...not sure about this one. How much does having aims and working toward achieving them contribute to happiness? While I am always thinking about fulfilling our potential, I am uncertain about the relationship between goals and happiness. Working toward goals and trying to tap into our potential is more like fun, something interesting that improves our life and adds joy to it.

Happiness is not the destination you get to when you achieve something, it is here all along. Happiness is in the moment right now. It's not a later notion, it's something to tune in to anytime, independent of where you get to be and achieve later. It's in the acceptance and full embracement of NOW.

Slow down and stand still

catinajanearts

It's amazing what a difference it makes when suddenly I am not faced with another workday and I have countless hours ahead of me that need not be filled with anything productive at all. I need not to hurry, or worry about being on time, doing everything I can within a limited amount of time. An ordinary workday gives you a definite time-frame and you gotta make the best of it... there's an urgency to do as much as you can. It's hard to slow down....

When that time-frame changes, loosens up, it opens up all sorts of possibilities. Suddenly the urgency to do so much is gone, you can almost unwittingly slow down and be in the moment with a peace of mind that is somehow different when you are about to go to work or come home from work. Looking ahead you see a serene horizon filled with what now seems endless hours and many happy days. That you get to enjoy and fill with whatever you fancy.

But what I observe with great pleasure is how I really get to slow down and stand still on vacation days. Without the urgency, I suddenly turn to activities I used to enjoy before my working era, I notice I get to focus on just one thing, really let myself indulge because the clock is not right there pushing me to hurry up. I can afford to be oblivios to time.
You can get so into multi-tasking and dividing your attention all around, which in the end results in scattered attention and lacking full focus so you find yourself not really doing anything at all with zest and full immersion.

I want to learn to allow myself to delve into just one activity with the same flow and enthusiasm when I am not on vacation. There is often actual time for that, it's just my mind runs overtime to push me to do the many things before I need to turn in to be there for tomorrow. I want to learn to enjoy my time with the same peace of mind and slowness, being mindful of the moments and the mundane tasks of just going through the day. Taking in the moments fully without the sense of urgency to move on to the next thing. I am here now.

feeling in tune with yourself

so the trick is to feel true to yourself playing the different personality roles. How do you know a role suits you?

I think we intuitively do. The other morning, I got off the bus and was heading to work. Standing still waiting for the light to turn green, I said to myself, wait a minute, something is OFF here. I wasn't feeling myself, had a feeling of detachment. Not having time to catch my breath and tune in with the world in the morning, I felt for certain that morning work was not my piece of cake.

We intuitively know if a role serves our best, and helps our true personality thrive. If we feel at home and at ease it's smooth sailing, otherwise we get a feeling of something not being right, a similar feeling to homesickness I think. Practice mindfulness throughout the day and catch when you feel most at home with yourself - effortlessly happy, balanced and fulfilled.

our many identities

We are all made up of many different identities, we often step into these roles and don't consciously realise what we are doing, who we are becoming. For a while you are a mother, a spouse, we have a work personality, a social/private persona etc.

I have only recently realised that I have a work personality. From one day to another, I developed one. Which may mean that I had one all along or that we are very quick to adapting and bringing out our potential. Daily it surprises me how my work personality does not coincide with my private personality. How much do we give away at our workplace of what we are like in our private lives? I think that no matter how much we enjoy our work, there's a sense of limited freedom when we are at work, we wait for time to pass so we can 'liberate' yourself a little. Or tune in to our other self, the one we are at home; we count down the hours where we are free to spend our time as we please. Where we can forget about the work restraints and our personality can break loose...

Then there's the personality we project. I have noticed some people even change their tone of voice when they speak to other people or when speaking on the phone. Is this consciously done or just an ingrained routine? What is the purpose of this?

I don't think I am one to project a different personality in different situations. But at work, when I am doing my routine of explaining patients the details of the examinations, it has become an ingrained routine so it feels a little strange to do it off work. I feel I morph into my work identity once I enter the clinic.

It's interesting how these different identities co-exist and merge together to make us whole. The trick is to find yourself in each of these roles and manage to feel at ease and true to yourself.

we get to choose

Yesterday I was in a quandary about which way to go about a situation. I had to make a decision and one seemed a worse option than the other. It was not about a big life-changing situation either. As I was struggling with which way to go, I paused and realised I was so lucky to have the choice. To be in the position to have the opportunity to choose. If we are lucky enough to get to make our choices every day, often simple ones about how to go about our days, how to spend our time, that's to be appreciated.

You can Make Someone's Day

in an easy effortless way by paying a heartfelt compliment. The other day I was surprised by something wonderful written to me by an old classmate. It totally made my day. She took the time to write something beautiful to me and I appreciate that so much. I kept thinking about what she wrote during the day and ever since then sometimes it just pops in my mind. If you like something about someone or admire them, you can easily make them happy by telling them how you feel. Whether it's someone close to you or a complete stranger in the street, don't shy away from expressing how you feel and be generous with your compliments!

be on the lookout for the lessons

Whether I am a supertaster or just absolutely crazy about food, I also have a problem eating too fast. When reading about solutions to overeating, one of the tips is to consciously try to eat slower. I have a problem with this. An unpleasant dental issue has recently forced me to eat slower and be careful with my bites. At first it was a challenge and a nuisance and I failed to discover the gift in the situation. Later though when I started getting used to it, I saw the lesson. For the first time I could actually eat slowly and chew the food properly, automatically then savouring each bite more. I thought to myself that if the situation resolves itself, I am going to make this new habit stick. Something I would have never discovered otherwise, if the problem hadn't surfaced....

I have the honor to...

Today I am thinking I am lucky to get the chance, another chance to work with Dr. Micle. I feel it's an honor. It's tempting to go through the day sometimes without noticing the opportunities, the gifts, the abundance... to take these things for granted.
Think about where you can consider yourself lucky or what are some situations you feel honored to experience? What does it mean to feel honored - to feel privileged, to show respect and humbleness toward the situation/person and respect yourself for being part of it, to feel happy and thankful for it.

'Today' is a gift you are given

I love the personal connection you get to experience by writing in the eco room. I feel I get to learn from the patients. Last week a kind patient handed us 'martisor' and he said that every morning when he wakes up, he rises from bed with gratitude and says thanks for being given another day, another chance.

Sometimes when things are hard or facing a difficulty, I adopt the attitude of thinking that I am in fact lucky to have the chance to work this situation out. To get another shot, another day here to sort it out. It puts you in a more positive position than if you are thinking of yourself as the victim who has to carry around another burden. Today you are being given another day, one more chance!

I've found

... that the quickiest way to alleviate bad mood is to turn to gratitude as an aid. A few moments of taking a look at WHAT IS RIGHT in your life with awareness and being thankful for everything, everything that seems natural but really isn't, is what it takes to improve bad mood anytime. There, in those moments of gratitude you will find that happiness is in this moment, not a state of mind to achieve later. In those moments of acknowledging everything that is supporting you, you will find peace of mind.

Turn it around

Weldon Long's "Your Quality of Life Depends on the Quality of Your Response" got me thinking of a recent event that happened to a friend. This person has really impressed me with her attitude. She suffered a setback, a misfortunate incident that at first infuriated her. After a little 'grieving', she decided that instead of letting the event knock her down for months to come, she would make the best of the situation. She decided to use this event to do something she has been putting off for a long time. She recognised that the unhappy incident created the perfect opportunity for her to move in on something she has been delaying.
It really always comes down to our individual response to a situation. We can let an unfortunate situation crush us, or we can choose to cut our losses and accept the WHAT IS. From there we can try to see how we can turn the situation to our advantage by noticing the opening where we can be proactive. Either way, it is our choice; who gets the upper hand is our choice.
Are there any situations in your life right now that you are choosing to be upset over so long that you fail to notice the potential gift that is being offered?

Developing new eyes

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust

It took me a chance to go on vacation to break the routine and develop new eyes on the familiar landscapes. I instantly searched for ways to do things differently, to take a different route to town to avoid the everyday routine, to experience the new. But it doesn't take a vacation to set eyes on what is there all the time around you. It seems that our daily grind makes it difficult to notice what's out there, feeling tired can easily suppress our natural desire and curiosity to observe the world around us. We don't get to have full-blown vacation all that often so let's stay aware of this and cultivate our desire every day to see with new eyes and to take the initiative to discover new possibilities in the familiar.

Choose feeling good over achieving

While having goals and wanting to achieve is necessary for a sense of purpose and our self-improvement, it can also be a hindrance to our happiness. It can be another potential pitfall of the 'someday I will be happy... when" syndrome.

We often create goals and work around achieving them, believing they will be the turning point and bring full satisfaction and contentment. We just need to achieve that one more deal so we can be happy. Sometimes deep down we even believe we don't have the right to feel at peace and happy right at this moment yet since we still have work to do to achieve.

But what if achieving is not always the key to happiness. What if the route is much simpler and unfolding right before us. We don't need anything more at this very moment to be happy, to enjoy ourselves. Perhaps we overrate the happiness factor in having another accomplishment under our belt and an easier means to happiness is just enjoying ourselves... in either case, we need to find a way to learn to enjoy ourselves in the middle of a big achieving project.

There will always be more things to do, as Richard Carlson says in his book, our to-do list will never be empty, and there will always be clouds on our horizons, problems that beg to be solved, but we need to learn to put our own enjoyment first sometimes.

the insiduous "You look tired"

I have been hearing the "you look tired" comment said to me and witnessed it being said to other people and every single time it makes my blood boil a little bit more.

How can anyone think the comment "You look tired" is an innocent remark? How can we not see that "You look tired" implies that you don't look so hot, you don't look so fresh. You look tired is a downright insult.

Saying You look tired is just as rude as saying You have gained weight, you look like you have gotten older. It's a puzzle to me. Everytime I point it out that in my opinion it is rude to say it to someone, the defense response is that they were just trying to be sincere.

There's sincerety and there's a basic knowledge of common sense etiquette. There are things you don't say, unless you are flat out trying to hurt someone. It doesn't mean you are lying, but when you come to think about it, how would looking tired be a welcome comment to anyone and not make them think of connotations of not looking so well. So if you want to make the other person feel less than great and make them wonder what could be wrong with them, go ahead and be 'sincere'.

Owning what you wear

What makes the same dress look good on one person and just not so right on another?

The secret doesn't lie in looks, in sizes. It's the ability to own what you wear. Owning your body and what you choose to dress yourself in can make all the difference.

And how to own the clothes to wear? By knowing yourself, your individual choices, what you like and don't like and abiding by your truth.

don't trouble troubles in advance

One of the favorite sayings of my old English teacher was -don't trouble troubles till troubles trouble you.
I notice how so often I recreate in my mind of what I think is about to follow, make up scenarios of troublesome situations of upcoming events.
In reality these are not here yet. They are not the present moment. In fact, they may never be my present moment. They live in my imagination.
But by recreating them and imagining them in advance, I live through them many times, perhaps totally in vain. I think part of it is thinking that you are doing the right thing by preparing yourself in advance for possible difficulties so you can come up with solutions in time. You are being a good 'worrier'. :) But it rarely happens the way you imagine it.
Most often the only thing that happens is that you unnecessarily go through the difficulty, instead of being in the present moment and enjoying the Now.
But that is what we have, and whatever may or may not come, we can learn to trust ourselves to handle right then, it's quite enough to go through it just once.
I think my all time favorite quote is by Mark Twain and it goes like this:

"I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."

Permission

Give yourself permission to slip up, to do things you wouldn't normally do. Once in a while it feels good to be 'bad', to fall off the bandwagon. Letting go of all always being on the right track, always trying to do the right thing can open up new ways of being. There's a tight leash on being critical and watchful of yourself all the time. Notice what happens when you open yourself to the possibility of goofing up a little. Stop being judgmental if it happens, just go with the flow and see where it takes you. Today it has taken me to do some interesting stuff opposite of what I would normally do.
Instead of berating yourself and being hard on yourself, be in the moment with acceptance and allowance!

Best writing

My friend Melissa sent me a link to an insightful newsletter called Clear Thinking that I have subscribed to and this piece written in August has probably been my favorite writing this year. I love the idea of "Guest Consciousness" and the calmness it instills in me.

Enjoy!

My Trance Awards

There's one day a year where I can set my stereo to the max! to listen to the songs that have inspired and comforted me during the year. It's a rare opportunity to discover there's even more to the songs you love so much, listening to them on max brings out even more wonders in them.
Trance does its best work on you when you listen to it really loudly.
So here they are, the true wonders that left a profound impact on me in 2010:

Mat Zo, my Dj of the year 2009 and 10, with a genius remix of Lange's Live Forever, and his own work:
Near the end

and that said, my unequivocal number 1 of the year is this:

Mat Zo's remix of Reeves Call of Loneliness.
a masterpiece in its own rights, moves you to the core.

Number 2 goes to the most inspiring boost of the year, it's the elevation in this which makes trance so exciting:

Ronski Speed remixing Mike Shiver's Sique


There was an above and beyond episode that beat all others this year with huge songs one after the other, leaving no time to catch your breath. Episode 232. It lined up the big guns of the year, the next three probably share the number 3 spot:

Above and Beyond vs Kyau and Albert - Anphonic - the bass moves on this and the breakdown, just terrific.

The Collaboration of the year for me: Rank 1, Nic Chagall & Wippenberg "One Hundred" - amazing to feel their individual touches on this with perhaps Rank 1 dominating.

For the grooviest, most melodic tune, and for its originality this one wins:
Mason - You are not Alone

Other songs that made me happy this year:

Armin's rework of Dido's Everything to Lose - could this be the track I have listened to the most times the year. Brilliant work there.

Mike Shiver vs Oceanlab, the Daniel Kandi remix - If I could fly on the Surface

Cosmic Gate's Barra with a huge breakdown

Sneijder's Away from Here remixed by Arty with just the beats I like

Arnej's The Strings that bind us for best epic

Alexander Popov's Revolution in you was also very good.

last big hit of the year for me, along with Arty's retouch of Cosmic Gate's Back to Earth, was probably Jon O'Bir - Never Enough with a fantastic breakdown.

and the first big impact was Charlie G's Machined.

For the best 2 hours of consistency the big surprise has been John 00 Fleming's Essential Mix on Radio 1 early in the year, very good quality dark trance.

My respect and gratitude goes out to the creators of the music that makes me believe everything is possible!

Look Back to Move Forward

Quietly celebrating by giving out awards in different categories for the year, a year of transformation, that has made me enthusiastic about change like never before. Highlights range from writing 'are un colier' instead of aerocolie in the ultrasound room for the funny moment category; deciding to take part in the make-up course which set in motion all the changes that were to come later in the year and made me aware of something non-existent before: my desire to actually want to do a good job; memorable moments such as 'va prezint colega noua', literally climbing my way up to a life-changing event; doing a whole Saturday shift all alone wins for biggest achievement followed by applying positive thinking with success (all the reading really pays off) feeling at home at my workplace, working harder than I ever thought I could or would want to, starting up this blog; Bioderma's facesaver that doubles as foundation and a sunscreen wins best discovery category, followed by the 14 bus which takes me to work in 10 minutes.

As for my people of the year, the Threesome that helped me go through the change and make it stick, who helped me stay put are my collegues to whom I am very grateful. There were times, most of the times, they believed me in me more than I ever have and all the help and patience they have showed me since May is invaluable. Nothing would have been possible without Renata, Cristina and Lavinia.

In December came the lightbulb moment for me and I hope this year continues along the same lines.

I have been thinking about self-responsibility, how it's about knowing that you are ultimately responsible for creating your own life experience. You don't want to be a helpless victim who blames circumstances for everything that's not working and stands by idly watching life go by without taking things in your own hands.

Here's to a year where we take responsibility for our experience and have the strength to tackle those issues that require our attention. Where we consciously carve out our path every day.
Where we go after what we want with more confidence than ever before.
Where we live with awareness, mindfulness and purpose. Where a problem comes up will be dealt head-on and procrastinating will no longer rule us.
Where we will know how to think thoughts that works for us and give us peace-of-mind and where fear and worries will no longer keep us from manifesting our best!
Where we can make the difference between the time to take action and the time to be patient. The wise line between accepting and letting go or continuing the fight.
A year which will give just the right experiences, people and life lessons we need to learn to move forward.
Where opportunities and lovely experiences abound and we know to enjoy them.
A year which will reveal more of your hidden wonderful qualities and talents, where you get to know yourself all over again.