This week I was offered a lesson that confirmed once again: a situation is just that, we make it positive or negative with our thinking, which we can change anytime.
When you find yourself facing a challenge of accepting a situation, or trying to solve a problem you don't know how to, try to think about changing the way you think about the situation instead of trying to do something about changing the situation.
I was in a position where I felt frustrated, yet I didn't know if I was going to find the right solution... so I thought to myself what would help is to find a thought among the so many that helps. Helps accept, helps deal, or helps come up with the solution, a thought that would give me solace. A dear friend showed me the way like a miracle. I instantly knew it was just the thought that would give me solace. From now on, whenever the same situation presents itself, I know where to turn to, to the thought that calms me down.
It's amazing what you can achieve with simply changing your mind!
31.12.10
create a shift
When a problem emerges, instead of reacting with -oh not, again, or -oh, not now, try creating a shift and being grateful for the fact that you are given the chance of working on it simply by still being alive. Be happy that you have the chance at all to come up with a plan.
28.12.10
2010 Life Lessons part 2
Sometimes wanting to do a perfect job sets the wrong mind-set and infuses you with anxiety. For me, what works is the idea of just doing it. I have learned that good enough is enough. Sometimes the only one who notices the difference between good enough and perfect is just you.
Earlier in the year I have read an amazing newsletter about being Guests on earth and Dido's song for me shares the same idea. It helps to look at yourself as an outsider sometimes, it takes the edge off. It's one of the attitudes that truly helped me this year, trying to take things less personally, practicing detachment from yourself.
Back to we don't really know ourselves. Even if you have been a certain way up to now, it is not impossible to change, even core character traits. I have discovered so much difference about myself this year, that I couldn't believe it. The saying -never say never- has never applied to me better. Makes you wonder and curious just how much more is in you and what changes are possible in the future.
Sometimes we panic and get overwhelmed when faced with a situation or a project that we imagine how it will or will not work out. I absolutely love the saying: "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King. It really is about baby steps, or taking one day at a time. Everything appears less daunting.
Even though this year has been all about change, one thing that only got reinforced is where my true passion lies, the combination of style and self-improvement. "Don't die with your music still in you" said by Wayne Dyer, is my big motivator; and that I believe it is our responsibility to do our best to fulfill our potentials.
A lot of my posts have revolved around postponing happiness, waiting until we think we deserve to be happy to feel happy. The time will never be more right to be happy than it is now. It's sad sometimes that we don't know this. Taking things for granted is a poor habit we easily adopt without awareness. Practising gratefulness and realising we have so much to be grateful for and happy for helps counteract taking things for granted.
Letting go is a powerful and positive action to take. Taking stock of what is no longer working and taking action about it makes way for positive change. After mourning, the sun comes up again and new opportunities show up if you care to see and don't spend more time on longing for the bygones. Self-awareness and being in the present helps here. It is my opinion that it's classy to let go when you are 'on top', to enjoy and cherish something beautiful while it lasts but recognise the time when you need to let go! It's not always easy to recognise what is still worth fighting for and when letting go of an attachment is far healthier than clinging to it.
Earlier in the year I have read an amazing newsletter about being Guests on earth and Dido's song for me shares the same idea. It helps to look at yourself as an outsider sometimes, it takes the edge off. It's one of the attitudes that truly helped me this year, trying to take things less personally, practicing detachment from yourself.
Back to we don't really know ourselves. Even if you have been a certain way up to now, it is not impossible to change, even core character traits. I have discovered so much difference about myself this year, that I couldn't believe it. The saying -never say never- has never applied to me better. Makes you wonder and curious just how much more is in you and what changes are possible in the future.
Sometimes we panic and get overwhelmed when faced with a situation or a project that we imagine how it will or will not work out. I absolutely love the saying: "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King. It really is about baby steps, or taking one day at a time. Everything appears less daunting.
Even though this year has been all about change, one thing that only got reinforced is where my true passion lies, the combination of style and self-improvement. "Don't die with your music still in you" said by Wayne Dyer, is my big motivator; and that I believe it is our responsibility to do our best to fulfill our potentials.
A lot of my posts have revolved around postponing happiness, waiting until we think we deserve to be happy to feel happy. The time will never be more right to be happy than it is now. It's sad sometimes that we don't know this. Taking things for granted is a poor habit we easily adopt without awareness. Practising gratefulness and realising we have so much to be grateful for and happy for helps counteract taking things for granted.
Letting go is a powerful and positive action to take. Taking stock of what is no longer working and taking action about it makes way for positive change. After mourning, the sun comes up again and new opportunities show up if you care to see and don't spend more time on longing for the bygones. Self-awareness and being in the present helps here. It is my opinion that it's classy to let go when you are 'on top', to enjoy and cherish something beautiful while it lasts but recognise the time when you need to let go! It's not always easy to recognise what is still worth fighting for and when letting go of an attachment is far healthier than clinging to it.
Your genuine desire vs everything else/ What we do for blending in
What matters more? Your own peace of mind knowing you did what you knew you had to do to be true to yourself, or playing along for the 'what the others think of you' game?
At what lengths will we go to keep up appearances, to please the crowd and make them think the best of you.
In what situations do we NEED to keep up a good picture of ourselves?
How much of our own true desire will we give up in the process?
Can we be considered selfish if we act in accordance with our own desire.
Or do we play, welcome to the theatre, where everyone plays what is expected of them, to hell with the truth, no one cares about that.
How much does this have to do with blending in at all costs, in no way should anyone think you think otherwise.
The case for Blending in vs standing up for yourself to be different.
What in the end keeps you content? Or your contentment doesn't matter?
How to find the compromise....
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
At what lengths will we go to keep up appearances, to please the crowd and make them think the best of you.
In what situations do we NEED to keep up a good picture of ourselves?
How much of our own true desire will we give up in the process?
Can we be considered selfish if we act in accordance with our own desire.
Or do we play, welcome to the theatre, where everyone plays what is expected of them, to hell with the truth, no one cares about that.
How much does this have to do with blending in at all costs, in no way should anyone think you think otherwise.
The case for Blending in vs standing up for yourself to be different.
What in the end keeps you content? Or your contentment doesn't matter?
How to find the compromise....
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
26.12.10
Do it anyway!
In our someday syndrome, we often wait around for the perfect alignment of everything before our eyes. So that we get permission to start. Just the right motivation, just the right time, when there's no other problem hanging around, when you no longer feel fear, you are in the right mood, energy, we make up all sorts of imagined barriers, and in our perfect scenario everything has to click so we can start tackling the big project.
Start anyway. Start anytime, anyway. There's no need to see the whole thing unfolding before you to start. There's no need to see how exactly you will tackle the project, how it's all going to work out. Feel the fear but start anyway and have faith in your ability and that your circumstances will align themselves after you have started to reward you.
Do it anyway, without knowing it all and having all the answers ahead.
2010 in part 1
Here are the latest treasures I have come across:
and this has surprised me how it's right down to my interests, the combo of style and self-improvement.
2010 Life Lessons Part 1
It would be difficult to sum up everything that has changed in my life since I have started working, one noticeable change is how I treasure my free time now vs. before it was all free time. Knowing there's a limited amount of it, makes you want to make good use of it. Which doesn't necessarily mean being unable to relax or wind down. But it makes you take the opportunities of participating at events, having fun at gatherings, not wanting to miss out on anything that brings joy. Here's a post I wrote about the structure of work-free time. It makes you conscious of how you want to spend it. Thus I created a list of relaxing, rejuvenating activities to do that make me happy and I turn to the list every single weekend.
Avoid coming to conclusions about an event right after it happens. A seemingly negative event can have unseen hidden miracles that you may only come to realise later. Try to dance with your circumstances and when something 'bad' happens, try to go with the flow. Know that there may be hidden lessons for you somewhere that you will come to appreciate later. A difficult challenge might just be the thing that teaches you valuable lessons!
You gotta work on the someday syndrome. Someday, or Later might never come. Before you know it, you run out of time and you wake up realising you have not fulfilled so much of your given talents and potential. It is up to you to find that motivating energy that will push you through the idleness, I tend to think it's something inspiring and positive but for me it was ultimately anger. Just don't wait for some miracle to show up, or for the motivating force, but make it happen!
If you think you know yourself, you are wrong. :) You don't know half of yourself. You are much more than you think you are. Be aware of - being yourself. Strive to be who you want to be. Be curious about your potential, about discovering -the so much more in you. Sometimes, out of fun try to do the opposite or something completely different that you would normally do in those circumstances, and notice the change. The advice of being yourself is limiting. It's about being the way you have been so far. But there's so much more about you, than so far. Give yourself new challenges, new situations to discover more about yourself and push through your imagined limits that have put you in the category of Yourself So far.
Self-awareness, the ability to know what moves you is the base of it all. That uncanny self-assuredness that will make you wear the clothes you like is what determines your style. Your style lies in in the way you carry yourself, the way you move and put down your feet literally. It's in your knowing who you are, what you like and what you don't stand up for. It's about allowing yourself to play around without censoring or trying to be too put together. Personal style stands out in those who know how to stand up with authority but with humility. Those with a good sense of style in my opinion also have a strong sense of body image. It's this kind of individuality that puts its mark on everything one does and oozes through your presence.
I am eternally grateful to trance music. Trance feeds me, soothes me, elevates me, gives me hope and peace of mind when nothing else can. I have found this gift and I stand in awe of it every day.
If there's one thing to remember it's this: There is no such thing as good or bad. There's something neutral that happens, and we make it good or bad with own thinking. But the trick is that we are the masters of our own mind, we control our thoughts, not vice versa. This knowledge is what can ultimately save you and create a total transformation! You can change your thinking and thus your feelings. Your feelings are the results of your thinking, and so they are also in your own hands. So that's why one person in the same life circumstances flourishes and the other is miserable. Because the first one has discovered this SECRET. It's always up to you how you interpret an event and what you make of it, of yourself and of your life. And you can govern everything with your thinking!
24.12.10
the greatest loss
I have come across this quote posted on fb by Tina from Think Simple Now:
I think though, that the big loss lies in what we never even get to discover. It lies in the hidden talents that never get to surface because of our imagined limitations or our lack of faith in ourselves. I hope that next year you will find the motivation to bring your dormant abilities to surface, I hope that next year will be the year when you uncover your hidden potential. Because you have so much potential that you see right now. Next year will be the year to wake up! It will be the year when you get to shut up your censoring inner voice and tear down the walls that keep you from living out your passion!
I hope that next year will surprise you in many ways. Most of all in getting to know you all over again, in discovering you are so much more than you have thought.
Think about all the gifts you have, all that you are good at, or that would be good at if only..... I hope that it will be the year when the if only-s go. Remember that you have the cards you are handed and it's up to you how you play them. What a true loss it would be not to recognise them, or if recognised, to keep them buried. It is your responsibility alone to recognise your gifts and play them right, to find a way to kiss the if only and I can't lists goodbye. Next year you will have the courage to come out of your hiding and surprise yourself!
I think though, that the big loss lies in what we never even get to discover. It lies in the hidden talents that never get to surface because of our imagined limitations or our lack of faith in ourselves. I hope that next year you will find the motivation to bring your dormant abilities to surface, I hope that next year will be the year when you uncover your hidden potential. Because you have so much potential that you see right now. Next year will be the year to wake up! It will be the year when you get to shut up your censoring inner voice and tear down the walls that keep you from living out your passion!
I hope that next year will surprise you in many ways. Most of all in getting to know you all over again, in discovering you are so much more than you have thought.
Think about all the gifts you have, all that you are good at, or that would be good at if only..... I hope that it will be the year when the if only-s go. Remember that you have the cards you are handed and it's up to you how you play them. What a true loss it would be not to recognise them, or if recognised, to keep them buried. It is your responsibility alone to recognise your gifts and play them right, to find a way to kiss the if only and I can't lists goodbye. Next year you will have the courage to come out of your hiding and surprise yourself!
22.12.10
stubborn convictions
Examine the beliefs you stubbornly defend in your life. What are these and why are you defending them every time? Is this defense mechanism helping you or preventing you from moving forward?
Is it possible you would benefit from giving up your long-held convictions on a particular subject?
Is it possible you would benefit from giving up your long-held convictions on a particular subject?
Conscious small changes
Often when we think of making resolutions we think of big changes, big achievements and we get discouraged when they don't work out right away.
With conscious smaller changes we can achieve good results. When you examine something not working in your life, you can try a less scary, smaller change instead.
When you consider making resolutions for next year, think on a smaller scale, you can create big change with a series of smaller improvements.
If you have developed a pattern of going to bed late every night, try getting to bed somewhat earlier.
If you catch yourself hunching your back, vow to pay attention and straighten your shoulders when you remember.
When you are faced with a problem, try to focus on solutions and what you can do to facilitate the change. You are behind the wheel, and with your everyday choices you govern your life toward the chosen direction!
With conscious smaller changes we can achieve good results. When you examine something not working in your life, you can try a less scary, smaller change instead.
When you consider making resolutions for next year, think on a smaller scale, you can create big change with a series of smaller improvements.
If you have developed a pattern of going to bed late every night, try getting to bed somewhat earlier.
If you catch yourself hunching your back, vow to pay attention and straighten your shoulders when you remember.
When you are faced with a problem, try to focus on solutions and what you can do to facilitate the change. You are behind the wheel, and with your everyday choices you govern your life toward the chosen direction!
Reflect with prompts
Here's a wonderful link if you want to reflect on the year and take stock of important moments - prompts written for every day in December by famous bloggers.
and some more:
* What idea/project has not worked this year that needs a fresh approach next year. How will you change your attitude about it so that it works out.
* What practices have you consciously turned to this year that made you truly happy?
* Which piece of music, article or movie has made a lasting impression on you this year and how?
* What worry, negative thought do you need to let go of for next year?
* How have you evolved, surprised yourself this year? Any 180 changes?
* Is there a belief that was shaken to the core this year? Something you have changed your mind about?
* What has been the biggest discovery?
* If you have a list of things you still want to do in your lifetime, what items have you crossed off this year?
and some more:
* What idea/project has not worked this year that needs a fresh approach next year. How will you change your attitude about it so that it works out.
* What practices have you consciously turned to this year that made you truly happy?
* Which piece of music, article or movie has made a lasting impression on you this year and how?
* What worry, negative thought do you need to let go of for next year?
* How have you evolved, surprised yourself this year? Any 180 changes?
* Is there a belief that was shaken to the core this year? Something you have changed your mind about?
* What has been the biggest discovery?
* If you have a list of things you still want to do in your lifetime, what items have you crossed off this year?
17.12.10
this is our chance
Every day and every minute we have here is to be treasured. Because we don't know how many of those minutes and days are offered. Those of us who are still here we have the opportunity to use these days to the best of our potential, to make these days beautiful. We still have the chance to see the beauty in things, to focus on what is right, to accept and let go what we have to and put it in a different perspective, to seize the day and the opportunities that are presented. It is up to us what we make of a problem or an opportunity.
Today we have the chance to do good, to enjoy what comes along and each other!
Today we have the chance to do good, to enjoy what comes along and each other!
7.12.10
Renewing ourselves
photo from here
I have this idea that I find it challenging to be yourself every day. I mean the idea of having to be you, not being able to escape a bit or be someone else. I think it gets a bit boring, to be you all the time. It would be interesting to be able to be someone else for a few minutes at least every day or something like that. Sometimes when you are in a strange mood, it can be even harder to be and like yourself. ;) I think it's essential to like yourself and be your own best friend, since you are with yourself all the time till the end.
Moreover, I think it can get challenging to find the motivation to carry out your daily activities every day. Sometimes I notice how hard it seems to get motivated or feel excited about preparing for the day or getting dressed to go to work and once I am there it feels better to be with myself.
Sometimes it is hard to be excited and motivated about your dreams. When you decide to go for something there's a high level of initial enthusiasm and empowerment which once you start can wear off a bit with the daily tear. The daily obstacles, not always feeling up for it, feeling tired can get in the way and sap your energy and enthusiasm.
How can you keep up that motivation and like being with yourself again and again? I think it's important to find ways, little ways to recharge your battery, to renew yourself. How can you do that? Almost like working on a relationship with someone else and nurture that relationship every day, we need to find ways to nourish ourselves and renew our energy every day.
- Starting by being good to yourself, by prioritizing and being able to say no, slowing down and taking time to relax and choosing activities that nourish you instead of always being plugged in overdrive.
- Focusing on the positive aspects of your life and remembering everything you do well, everything that makes you unique and loveable;
- finding small ways to change the way you look; literally redesigning yourself a little.
- attending events and activities that offer a new and interesting perspective, reading books that broaden your horizon
- trying out things you have not done before and surprising yourself, discovering new things about yourself.
- shaking up your daily routine a bit by doing something different;
- falling in love, or having multiple relationships..... falling in love with a new song is so refreshing and uplifting
- motivating yourself by giving yourself small goals to work on, such as going to bed earlier every night for example if that helps set in motion a healthier sleeping routine. This helps keep you being conscious and self-aware, facilitates change and reinvention.
So what other changes can you implement to renew yourself and get to like yourself again?
5.12.10
Be curious!
What if everything you have believed about what you are capable of and about your limitations were not true.
What if it turned out you can do the impossible. And that you enjoyed it too!
What if you could actually do what you've thought you'd never be able to?
Everything that holds you back, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, try to replace it with a different attitude, that of curiosity. I have recently managed at something I never thought I would. This has made me question everything about myself. I have become curious to see what else I could do. Out of curiosity I remembered a list of 'will/can-never-do-s' and I am going to approach them with a whole new attitude. Let's see what happens.
Let's see just how much I don't know myself, how I can surprise myself, break through barriers. If you are curious about discovering more about yourself, this can push you to new territories and make you more courageous. As opposed to categorising yourself to being a certain way anyway without hope to change, that's a dead end door.
Trust me, you don't know yourself as well as you think you do. There's unleashed potential within you that you aren't even dreaming of!
4.12.10
on gratefulness
I have spoken and read a lot lately about the importance of being grateful. You can train yourself to tune into an appreciative mindset every day. Making this shift from focusing on what is not working, onto what is good in your life, really helps.
We tend to take things for granted until they are threatened. Last night while having dinner, a friend who recently underwent a complicated surgery was unable to open her mouth for three days. She told us how lucky and grateful she feels she can open her mouth, speak and eat. What a great deal it seems now, something that on any other given day seems only natural.
As we discussed the subject further, another friend said that whenever she is in a bad mood, she consciously tries to turn it around by stating out loud the good things she is grateful for. When she was facing a critical point in her life, she started writing a thankfulness journal where each day she made a small list of things she was grateful for that day. She said this dramatically improved her life.
We tend to take things for granted until they are threatened. Last night while having dinner, a friend who recently underwent a complicated surgery was unable to open her mouth for three days. She told us how lucky and grateful she feels she can open her mouth, speak and eat. What a great deal it seems now, something that on any other given day seems only natural.
As we discussed the subject further, another friend said that whenever she is in a bad mood, she consciously tries to turn it around by stating out loud the good things she is grateful for. When she was facing a critical point in her life, she started writing a thankfulness journal where each day she made a small list of things she was grateful for that day. She said this dramatically improved her life.
"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more." - David Steindl-Rast
Here's a good article on how being thankful improves relationships. Always notice when someone does something kind for you, instead of thinking they are supposed to or they always do anyway. Don't think that they owe you that kind of kindness or help, be appreciative of their gesture no matter how small, point it out and say thank you, instead of rehashing faults. That switch in your mind-set can make all the difference.
Here's a good article on how being thankful improves relationships. Always notice when someone does something kind for you, instead of thinking they are supposed to or they always do anyway. Don't think that they owe you that kind of kindness or help, be appreciative of their gesture no matter how small, point it out and say thank you, instead of rehashing faults. That switch in your mind-set can make all the difference.
What will matter in the end?
One of my motivating ideas is imagining myself old and thinking about looking back on my life and what I am going to regret. I don't think I will have many regrets about making mistakes and other disappointments, more along the line of chances not taken, opportunities missed.
The other night I got to talking about this subject with my friends and I figured it would be interesting to start making a list of what I am going to regret looking back. I have started the list a few moments ago and it gets interesting. It helps spotlight things that are truly important to you and how you really want to live your life.
As long as you are around, you can work on your list and going for your dreams with more belief. As long as you are here, you are in control of your future, you can start re-writing it today based on what you think will matter at the end of it all.
The other night I got to talking about this subject with my friends and I figured it would be interesting to start making a list of what I am going to regret looking back. I have started the list a few moments ago and it gets interesting. It helps spotlight things that are truly important to you and how you really want to live your life.
As long as you are around, you can work on your list and going for your dreams with more belief. As long as you are here, you are in control of your future, you can start re-writing it today based on what you think will matter at the end of it all.
23.11.10
Celebrate yourself!
We often take for granted all that we achieve in just one day. It seems only natural that we get up in the morning and do all the things 'we are supposed to do' during the day. I sometimes consciously think of everything I manage to do, all the effort I put in. As you go through your day, observe yourself and acknowledge everything you are doing each day. Daily I am in awe of seeing the strength in all of us; faced with austere circumstances and hardships, I am in awe of how well people cope, how strong they are... we often don't give ourselves enough credit, but we are capable of pulling out amazing strength resources when needed.
We are quick to judge ourselves and notice where we have not improved and berate ourselves for our failings, but how about acknowledging and celebrating ourselves the way we are today, how far we have come and all the work we do in just one day! Even if sometimes it seems like you are not trying hard enough, the fact that you are here means that you are putting in an enormous effort every day and managing! Be proud of that!
We are quick to judge ourselves and notice where we have not improved and berate ourselves for our failings, but how about acknowledging and celebrating ourselves the way we are today, how far we have come and all the work we do in just one day! Even if sometimes it seems like you are not trying hard enough, the fact that you are here means that you are putting in an enormous effort every day and managing! Be proud of that!
22.11.10
Sex at its best
quoted from "Sex doesn't smell like Roses" by Walter Mosley
"Sex doesn't smell like roses. It's not hairless, breathless, or necessarily beautiful. Sex is rife with bodily odors and violent gestures. Lovers scream and curse and do things that are not always acceptable to others. They sneer and frown, dominate and enter uninvited. They whisper obscenities and do things that might be deeply disturbing to their partners.
Sex that drives us away as well as pulls us in is the best sex there is."
I love this piece written in Oprah magazine. Sex at its dirtiest and craziest. When you feel you just want to devour the other person, odors and fluids and all. Talk about living in the moment and wanting to cling to the feeling of aliveness. I find that good lovemaking works in cycles where the partners bring out the best in each other. And I find that nothing like an experience like this quite matches that feeling of genuinely being thankful to be alive.
"Sex doesn't smell like roses. It's not hairless, breathless, or necessarily beautiful. Sex is rife with bodily odors and violent gestures. Lovers scream and curse and do things that are not always acceptable to others. They sneer and frown, dominate and enter uninvited. They whisper obscenities and do things that might be deeply disturbing to their partners.
Sex that drives us away as well as pulls us in is the best sex there is."
I love this piece written in Oprah magazine. Sex at its dirtiest and craziest. When you feel you just want to devour the other person, odors and fluids and all. Talk about living in the moment and wanting to cling to the feeling of aliveness. I find that good lovemaking works in cycles where the partners bring out the best in each other. And I find that nothing like an experience like this quite matches that feeling of genuinely being thankful to be alive.
18.11.10
Serendipity meetings
Chance encounters with strangers or with people you vaguely know.
Travelling with them on the bus and striking up inspiring conversations.
You suddenly discover you are on the same wavelength, you have so much in common, or there's just something about the person that you really like. You have a delightful conversation like you are old friends, you are thrilled about the newly discovered 'click' and then you part ways.
You may or may not meet these people again. In that moment I hope to see them again, but after a while I will not even recognise them.....you briefly but intensely brush sides and let go immediately afterwards, I love how these meetings stimulate me.
Travelling with them on the bus and striking up inspiring conversations.
You suddenly discover you are on the same wavelength, you have so much in common, or there's just something about the person that you really like. You have a delightful conversation like you are old friends, you are thrilled about the newly discovered 'click' and then you part ways.
You may or may not meet these people again. In that moment I hope to see them again, but after a while I will not even recognise them.....you briefly but intensely brush sides and let go immediately afterwards, I love how these meetings stimulate me.
Allow your creativity to flow naturally!
Self-censoring. How many times do you notice actively trying to censor yourself while on a creative endeavor, or in your everyday life, doing even mundane things. Will it be good enough? Will they like it?
Aiming for perfectionism and fearing being wrong will just hinder your creativity and achieve the opposite of what you are out to do.
Daily, the pressure of performance and being active and always, in every minute trying to achieve and be productive or else..... is so strong on us. This leaves us no room to breathe and to mess up, to play around.... to experiment a little. You always need to be put together, put up a serious face, I get that idea when I leave the apt and walk around.
For your creativity and true colours to emerge you need to leave room for allowing yourself to not be put together!
The best things will come out of messing up a little!
This is why being mitchy-matchy is considered a style faux-pas :), I sometimes consciously try to stay away from it. Introduce an item that will mess things up, will create disturbance.
In your authentic creative voice there is no room for censorship. Censorship is always the SHOULD force of the outside.
Leave room and allow yourself to step out of the achievement and productivity box, see what happens when you are naturally creative without trying to censor yourself! Allow for mistakes consciously!
* So when you take a photograph, stop and ask yourself if you are trying hard to impress others or are you just enjoying the creative freedom of doing something for the fun of it?
17.11.10
What makes you feel good at work?
What do you think are some essentials of feeling good at your workplace?
My colleagues and I have just discussed how wonderful it is when you don't go to work dreading the time spent there or having an uneasy feeling meeting your colleagues yet again.
I think one of the essentials is being interested in what you are doing. Health-care is one the two fields I am passionate about and to have the opportunity to work in it is a blessing! It makes me feel at home while working because all the time I am kept interested.
Another key is the atmosphere and feeling like you belong! Feeling at home at the place where you are working and feeling good around your 'family'. I have just realised that I laugh so much at work, so much more than ever at home or even sometimes around friends or leisure activities. These are the people who helped me learn to stay and get accommodated.
It is important to focus on people's kindness and their good traits, instead of dwelling and pointing out what is wrong. Always trying to keep tabs of what is right, instead of wrong and having an attitude of appreciation puts you on the right vibration of getting more of what you see.
I find the feeling of belonging precious. And it is because of the above mentioned two essentials I think.
What do you like about your work(place)?
My colleagues and I have just discussed how wonderful it is when you don't go to work dreading the time spent there or having an uneasy feeling meeting your colleagues yet again.
I think one of the essentials is being interested in what you are doing. Health-care is one the two fields I am passionate about and to have the opportunity to work in it is a blessing! It makes me feel at home while working because all the time I am kept interested.
Another key is the atmosphere and feeling like you belong! Feeling at home at the place where you are working and feeling good around your 'family'. I have just realised that I laugh so much at work, so much more than ever at home or even sometimes around friends or leisure activities. These are the people who helped me learn to stay and get accommodated.
It is important to focus on people's kindness and their good traits, instead of dwelling and pointing out what is wrong. Always trying to keep tabs of what is right, instead of wrong and having an attitude of appreciation puts you on the right vibration of getting more of what you see.
I find the feeling of belonging precious. And it is because of the above mentioned two essentials I think.
What do you like about your work(place)?
16.11.10
How you treat yourself -others will treat you
Your attitude and confidence about yourself will determine how others will treat you. If you exude confidence and you believe you deserve the best treatment, you will most likely get it!
The other day after my usual morning bus ride, I dropped by to get some food for work and there I had another great example of how you can learn from people every day. A man walked in and in a very uncertain tone with a feeble voice, he asked the shop assistant if she could change some money for him. 'You can't change this amount of money for me right?'. I think he asked. The woman answered -If you put it that way, I can't. Be more assertive and confident and I will.
Assertiveness and learning how to present yourself and how to sell yourself will get you a long way. It's in how you treat yourself that others will treat you.
Another lesson to take from this is to expect the best possible outcome, instead of virtually asking for a negative outcome. Again you will exude that confidence that you are worthy of good treatment and others will comply and deliver what you are asking for.
The other day after my usual morning bus ride, I dropped by to get some food for work and there I had another great example of how you can learn from people every day. A man walked in and in a very uncertain tone with a feeble voice, he asked the shop assistant if she could change some money for him. 'You can't change this amount of money for me right?'. I think he asked. The woman answered -If you put it that way, I can't. Be more assertive and confident and I will.
Assertiveness and learning how to present yourself and how to sell yourself will get you a long way. It's in how you treat yourself that others will treat you.
Another lesson to take from this is to expect the best possible outcome, instead of virtually asking for a negative outcome. Again you will exude that confidence that you are worthy of good treatment and others will comply and deliver what you are asking for.
12.11.10
Living in the present
In the middle of a mood-swing - considering not showing up, but staying in and curling in, I had a moment of revelation, realising there was nothing to gain and everything to miss out on by staying in.
I thought to myself: This is it. This is my life! If I miss this chance of being present, of living fully, it is a chance that will not come back. It was not a special ocassion, but it was an ocassion that was not returning. It was a day that was either there for me to seize or one to miss! So I said out loud many times: This is my life. Today is it.
This piece confirms the importance of living in the present, the impact it has on happiness. It says: Live in the moment or be unhappy.
I was thrilled with my decision to be present and while looking out of the bus window, I knew that even though it was not an important time for a special reason, no special reason is needed to realise that moment was mine to enjoy because it was not coming back.
Every time, every day is your day to live and enjoy and make the most of. Today is not coming back. Today is yours to take!
I thought to myself: This is it. This is my life! If I miss this chance of being present, of living fully, it is a chance that will not come back. It was not a special ocassion, but it was an ocassion that was not returning. It was a day that was either there for me to seize or one to miss! So I said out loud many times: This is my life. Today is it.
This piece confirms the importance of living in the present, the impact it has on happiness. It says: Live in the moment or be unhappy.
I was thrilled with my decision to be present and while looking out of the bus window, I knew that even though it was not an important time for a special reason, no special reason is needed to realise that moment was mine to enjoy because it was not coming back.
Every time, every day is your day to live and enjoy and make the most of. Today is not coming back. Today is yours to take!
9.11.10
What are you taking for granted?
I think one of the biggest mistakes we make many times in our lives because it's so easy to make this mistake is to take things for granted.
It's easy because when you have something or someone or something working for you, after a while, it becomes natural. After a while you stop seeing. You stop noticing and appreciating that thing as you did the first time around, when it was a surprise, it was interesting....
Consciously realising this as a potential problem, and working around it with deliberate appreciation exercises really helps.
When you get used to something working for you, someone helping you out on a regular basis, it can be a potential pitfall to regard it as something given and natural and take it for granted.
What do you take for granted in your life right now?
It's easy because when you have something or someone or something working for you, after a while, it becomes natural. After a while you stop seeing. You stop noticing and appreciating that thing as you did the first time around, when it was a surprise, it was interesting....
Consciously realising this as a potential problem, and working around it with deliberate appreciation exercises really helps.
When you get used to something working for you, someone helping you out on a regular basis, it can be a potential pitfall to regard it as something given and natural and take it for granted.
What do you take for granted in your life right now?
Think of panic attacks first!
Experiencing panic attacks is more common than we'd think. I think it's so much more common than the statistics lead us to believe. Panic disorder symptoms mimic so many of other disorders that it is characteristic that patients will go from one doctor to another only to discover there's no illness found, no problem detected. The symptoms vary so much and can be frightening, especially when you come up empty-handed every time you go for another examination.
Extremely common, I think it helps if you realise there's nothing wrong with you, what you are experiencing is ok. and it will pass. It is not always easy to stop them, but it helps for me to understand where they come from.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/panic-attacks/DS00338/DSECTION=symptoms
http://www.psihoterapie.net/forum/psihoterapie/atacuri-de-panica/simptomele-unui-atac-de-panica.html
"Consecinta este ca simptomele fizice mentionate mai sus conduc mai degraba la ideea ca ar fi vorba de o boala fizica si persoana se investigheaza la internist, la cardiolog si nu sunt putini cei care ajung la camerele de garda ale spitalelor in atac de panica, convinsi ca vor face un atac de cord. Trec cel putin luni de zile, uneori ani, pana cand persoanele in cauza primesc un ajutor specializat, de la un psihiatru sau psiholog."
http://www.romedic.ro/atacurile-de-panica
- A sense of impending doom or death
- Rapid heart rate
- Sweating
- Trembling
- Shortness of breath
- Hyperventilation
- Chills
- Hot flashes
- Nausea
- Abdominal cramping
- Chest pain
- Headache
- Dizziness
- Faintness
- Tightness in your throat
- Trouble swallowing
1. palpitatii, batai puternice ale inimii sau puls accelerat;
2. transpiratii;
3. tremuraturi sau tremur al intregului corp;
4. senzatie de lipsa de aer sau de sufocare; -sensatia de nodul in gat
5. senzatia de a se innabusi;
6. durere sau discomfort toracic;
7. greata sau discomfort abdominal;
8. senzatia de ameteala, de instabilitate sau de lesin;
9. derealizare sau depersonalizare;
10. teama de a nu-si pierde controlul sau de a nu innebuni;
11. teama ca va muri;
12. parestezii (senzatii de amorteala sau intepaturi);
13. valuri de frig sau caldura.
Extremely common, I think it helps if you realise there's nothing wrong with you, what you are experiencing is ok. and it will pass. It is not always easy to stop them, but it helps for me to understand where they come from.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/panic-attacks/DS00338/DSECTION=symptoms
http://www.psihoterapie.net/forum/psihoterapie/atacuri-de-panica/simptomele-unui-atac-de-panica.html
"Consecinta este ca simptomele fizice mentionate mai sus conduc mai degraba la ideea ca ar fi vorba de o boala fizica si persoana se investigheaza la internist, la cardiolog si nu sunt putini cei care ajung la camerele de garda ale spitalelor in atac de panica, convinsi ca vor face un atac de cord. Trec cel putin luni de zile, uneori ani, pana cand persoanele in cauza primesc un ajutor specializat, de la un psihiatru sau psiholog."
http://www.romedic.ro/atacurile-de-panica
7.11.10
Addiction discussed in the club on Friday, Nov 12
Seems like the English club naturally attracts psychologists, on the upcoming Friday, Geta will tackle a topic that I am very interested in: drug addictions. I have asked her to let's talk a bit also about less heavy drugs, more available to absolutely everyone at anytime, such as painkillers or prescription sedatives.
I believe that painkiller addiction and medication dependence is one of the most underrated health problems in our society, and it is so widespread. It goes completely unnoticed, there's no awareness on the subject.
I see it daily, people popping in a painkiller to ease the pain, and 5 minutes later another one "because the first one had no effect". Another day comes and another pill goes, and from here, the road to addiction is very slippery!
Where is our awareness on how addiction develops and how it gets dangerous?! With each pill taken, we are closer to developing a problem and with each pill taken we risk tolerance and strengthen the chances that the next one will work even less effectively, which means we will need to take more and more pills for the same effect. The cycle starts and it's easy to get powerless to stop it before we realise we have a problem.
Taking the pills unconsciously vs being aware of what you are doing and the dangers of it, I think is half the battle.
Drug Addiction, a fascinating topic in the club this Friday!
I believe that painkiller addiction and medication dependence is one of the most underrated health problems in our society, and it is so widespread. It goes completely unnoticed, there's no awareness on the subject.
I see it daily, people popping in a painkiller to ease the pain, and 5 minutes later another one "because the first one had no effect". Another day comes and another pill goes, and from here, the road to addiction is very slippery!
Where is our awareness on how addiction develops and how it gets dangerous?! With each pill taken, we are closer to developing a problem and with each pill taken we risk tolerance and strengthen the chances that the next one will work even less effectively, which means we will need to take more and more pills for the same effect. The cycle starts and it's easy to get powerless to stop it before we realise we have a problem.
Taking the pills unconsciously vs being aware of what you are doing and the dangers of it, I think is half the battle.
Drug Addiction, a fascinating topic in the club this Friday!
Are you in your own corner?
Are you your own best friend?
I think it's essential that we are behind our own endeavors and relate to ourselves like a good friend would. Are you talking to yourself gently with compassion, are you encouraging yourself?
If you don't trust yourself and believe in yourself, why would you expect anyone else to do that?
Check your self-talk, is it the way you would encourage your own child, your best friend?
How you talk to yourself and believe in yourself determines your ability to succeed, more than your actual abilities!
I think it's essential that we are behind our own endeavors and relate to ourselves like a good friend would. Are you talking to yourself gently with compassion, are you encouraging yourself?
If you don't trust yourself and believe in yourself, why would you expect anyone else to do that?
Check your self-talk, is it the way you would encourage your own child, your best friend?
How you talk to yourself and believe in yourself determines your ability to succeed, more than your actual abilities!
saying No
“A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.” ~Gandhi
How this resonates with me right now. This Friday in unconscious state of mind I let myself be taken by the flow and went along completely half-heartedly with what everyone else said and wanted.
Instead of taking a stand and standing up for what I believed in.
Is guilt behind of it all? I usually pride myself on being good at saying No. This time it didn't work. I have already said No to another big project and I felt that withdrawing all responsibility would be too much, too disappointing. In the end I just didn't have the guts to say out loud: No.
I was also torn, because I strongly feel that if I genuinely want to belong a group of people, I also have responsibilities to keep that group going and contribute with whatever I can.
All those voices and don't know which one to listen to. :) The truth is that all I wanted is to say No, and reading this quote, reinforces my belief that it's always best to listen to what you want, and not to the "guilt voice" which is not really your own, but it's about what you Should do, what the others expect of you. To act out of guilt and out of a misplaced desire to please... that's not a road to take.
How this resonates with me right now. This Friday in unconscious state of mind I let myself be taken by the flow and went along completely half-heartedly with what everyone else said and wanted.
Instead of taking a stand and standing up for what I believed in.
Is guilt behind of it all? I usually pride myself on being good at saying No. This time it didn't work. I have already said No to another big project and I felt that withdrawing all responsibility would be too much, too disappointing. In the end I just didn't have the guts to say out loud: No.
I was also torn, because I strongly feel that if I genuinely want to belong a group of people, I also have responsibilities to keep that group going and contribute with whatever I can.
All those voices and don't know which one to listen to. :) The truth is that all I wanted is to say No, and reading this quote, reinforces my belief that it's always best to listen to what you want, and not to the "guilt voice" which is not really your own, but it's about what you Should do, what the others expect of you. To act out of guilt and out of a misplaced desire to please... that's not a road to take.
4.11.10
we are quick to jump to conclusions
Today, a patient failed to complete her MRI examination, she didn't take an instant liking to the apparatus. :)
So my colleague comes and tells us, she is claustrophobic and didn't even know it. So in an instant she got labeled and 'convicted' without a real trial. The MRI tube is not exactly friendly at first, in fact it's a bit shocking, but I believe there are degrees of panic disorder and claustrophobia. While one patient will scream and wants to get out right away, another will experience milder panic symtoms and eventually or very soon will be able to go through with the examination especially after a little bit of an encouraging talk.
A few sessions of therapy would probably send this patient's claustrophobia packing, but instead she is probably home wallowing in the new 'diagnosis' she received today. Where to go from there? What will now prevent her from trying again, if she believes what happened today is the be-all end-all experience. Don't take your labels for granted! And remember that there are degrees of every disorder and precisely because of this, they are treatable and can be alleviated with a few spot-on discussions.
3.11.10
Are you waiting your life away for the inspiration?
I have just read this great piece on something that has been on my mind a lot. A lot of the times in life, when you have to tackle something you are kind of avoiding, something that seems difficult, we often put it off and wait for some sort of sign or inspiration or the right time to start.
We wait for a lesson, a sign, a message- to show us the right direction, to tackle the issue. Something to get us started, for the HOWS to be shown.
But the inspiration may never come. I think it's time to face that the time to start is now, without the inspiration, or we may wait forever and it will be too late before we know it.
Your green light is Now.
http://rekanoemie.blogspot.com/2010/09/take-leap-of-faith.html
We wait for a lesson, a sign, a message- to show us the right direction, to tackle the issue. Something to get us started, for the HOWS to be shown.
But the inspiration may never come. I think it's time to face that the time to start is now, without the inspiration, or we may wait forever and it will be too late before we know it.
Your green light is Now.
http://rekanoemie.blogspot.com/2010/09/take-leap-of-faith.html
Do you respect your decisions?
I have not been a big decision-maker but lately I have made a few decisions. Many of them though once made, even if not exactly broken, go unnoticed or are not respected. I find myself at a place where once the decision is made, I start procrastinating, or even revoking it, trying to see if I can change my mind.
I get undecided after the decision is made.
And it's not like I take making a decision lightly, I don't rush into things, I will carefully weigh pros and cons before I decide.
What about you? Do you relate? What helps you keep your decisions?
I think that once we have given something careful thought, and a decision is made, we owe it to ourselves to respect it.
Trust yourself, that even if you have not foreseen the whole path, you have made a step and have faith that you knew what is right for you.
I get undecided after the decision is made.
And it's not like I take making a decision lightly, I don't rush into things, I will carefully weigh pros and cons before I decide.
What about you? Do you relate? What helps you keep your decisions?
I think that once we have given something careful thought, and a decision is made, we owe it to ourselves to respect it.
Trust yourself, that even if you have not foreseen the whole path, you have made a step and have faith that you knew what is right for you.
1.11.10
Be comfortable with what you like!
When you have a hobby, you are passionate about doing something, it's easy to get perfectionistic about it, or think about external approval or the others' reaction.
Creativity stems from letting go of perfectionism and looking for external approval. It's when you let go of these creativity dampeners that your true nature can surface.
Make an experiment and try to welcome mistakes, imperfections, see where it leads you.
If you like wearing it, it won't matter who else likes it, the comfort of being true to yourself will shine through!
Luckily my workplace is a wonderful accepting environment, with an atmosphere that nourishes your true self in my opinion. And I will be damned if I let -is this right enough, is this good enough- stop me from writing when I feel really at peace and a true desire and urge to write, to write all the time during the day, to others to myself...
Do what you like, without being hung up on whether it's good enough. It is, because it's you.
Come to think of it, the need to be approved and fit in with everyone is exactly what kills originality and uniqueness. Trust your own taste and don't go with the flow!
this morning's bus ride
This morning while thinking of continuing the appreciation list exercise, I thought of November 1, and everyone who is not here anymore, everyone who has contributed to my life, loved me, and gave me so much. Then thinking of my father, and grandmother who was a huge part of my life, I started thinking about genes and all the good aspects I have inherited from my mother and father. This again, is a very positive exercise, to think of your parents' good personality traits and the ones you have inherited, you will realise you are just the right eclectic mix! Think of what you deem your good qualities and think of each one where you have it from, is it in your genes or perhaps your education somewhere someone in the family taught you or gave you that gift. You can go on thanking those who are not here anymore for their contribution in creating you. And don't forget to honor and say thank you to those who are here and can hear you.
self-limiting categories
Think twice about putting yourself in categories and labeling yourself. I am like this, I am a ...
I have done this the other day and interestingly enough, a voice came up in my head asking me, wait a minute, who says that, why? And so what if you have been so far , you can change that any time you decide.
If you believe you belong to a certain category you will think and behave in a way that helps you confirm that you are right and you will continue to be stuck in that direction and in the same pattern.
You can think yourself in a new direction, by being careful with those labels you have used in the past, self-limiting beliefs that could prevent you from moving forward. Challenge the voice when it comes up: I am what I am.
I have done this the other day and interestingly enough, a voice came up in my head asking me, wait a minute, who says that, why? And so what if you have been so far , you can change that any time you decide.
If you believe you belong to a certain category you will think and behave in a way that helps you confirm that you are right and you will continue to be stuck in that direction and in the same pattern.
You can think yourself in a new direction, by being careful with those labels you have used in the past, self-limiting beliefs that could prevent you from moving forward. Challenge the voice when it comes up: I am what I am.
Your thoughts are the key
When you are looking for a solution, think about changing your attitude, not your cirumstances!
Your way of thinking is the only obstacle. When you align your thoughts to work for you, you have the power to create lasting changes no matter the circumstaces.
There's no reality, it's all in your mind. Your thoughts make your circumstances.
Your way of thinking is the only obstacle. When you align your thoughts to work for you, you have the power to create lasting changes no matter the circumstaces.
There's no reality, it's all in your mind. Your thoughts make your circumstances.
31.10.10
It has become natural to be unnatural
Maison Martin Margiela's designWhat would happen if for a day we would say what we feel and do what we want?
When exactly has it become natural to be unnatural, to pretend, to fake and to play games? Sometimes it seems to me I am part of a big theatre.... and I have trouble joining in the wicked games. :)
When do we even ever tell the truth? Where in the process has authenticity and sincerety lost its value?
It's like we are afraid of being authentic and saying the truth. We do everything to protect the facade, for fear of giving ourselves, our true feelings/thoughts away! We tiptoe around, waiting for the others' reaction and build the game and the lies on and on...."Just don't let them see how you truly feel..." I hear often.
It's hard to keep up with that. We become experts at acting, fooling everyone.
We lose ourselves in the process.
What can happen if they find out the truth about how you feel.
morning ride
this Sunday's love
going to work in the am by bus is not necessarily my favorite part of the day. Working in shifts though gives me the chance not to get too down about it. On my way to work, I started doing an interesting exercise without noticing at first. I switched my focus and started listing things I am grateful for, - first about why it's actually not so bad to work in the morning. Then the affirmations moved on to other areas, and I went on with my list of appreciation.
I think it's a morning or anytime of the day ritual we can all adopt. It allows you to immediately shift your focus from what makes you unhappy to everything you are happy for and appreciate. And the positive frame of mind if a great way to start the day. Remember that the list can include seemingly mundane, not so important things that make you happy, but so often these are actually really significant that go unnoticed or are taken for granted. That your body and energy carries you to work and allows you to enjoy activities for instance is amazing! You have so much going for you!
going to work in the am by bus is not necessarily my favorite part of the day. Working in shifts though gives me the chance not to get too down about it. On my way to work, I started doing an interesting exercise without noticing at first. I switched my focus and started listing things I am grateful for, - first about why it's actually not so bad to work in the morning. Then the affirmations moved on to other areas, and I went on with my list of appreciation.
I think it's a morning or anytime of the day ritual we can all adopt. It allows you to immediately shift your focus from what makes you unhappy to everything you are happy for and appreciate. And the positive frame of mind if a great way to start the day. Remember that the list can include seemingly mundane, not so important things that make you happy, but so often these are actually really significant that go unnoticed or are taken for granted. That your body and energy carries you to work and allows you to enjoy activities for instance is amazing! You have so much going for you!
24.10.10
Be for, rather than fight against
When you want to create a positive change in your life, or adopt a new habit, I think it's essential that you don't fight against an old habit, don't push against an already existing negative habit.
We tend to think that if we push hard enough, we force ourselves and struggle enough, we will get there.
We struggle to avoid, instead of trying to create!
I think it's the change in your attitude, which is about acceptance, permission, kindness to yourself, and being for something positive, looking for the positive change that is going to accomplish!
Acceptance and understanding of the present circumstances is the way to start. What has gotten you here and why. Don't be angry with yourself for being here with the problem, rather try to be your own friend and be accepting and comforting toward your inner child.
Then try to visualise a positive image change, and try to put it into words in a positive way. Instead of saying and thinking: I desperately need to give up smoking because..... and list all sorts of ways that are not truly your own heart's wishes.... try to make that decision your internal true wish, and put the goal into a positive mind-frame. It will be wonderful to be smoke-free because...and list positive changes you will enjoy.
We think it's criticism, non-acceptance and fighting against ourselves that will lead us onto the desired change. But perhaps it's the other way around.
Always be for something, instead of pushing against.
We tend to think that if we push hard enough, we force ourselves and struggle enough, we will get there.
We struggle to avoid, instead of trying to create!
I think it's the change in your attitude, which is about acceptance, permission, kindness to yourself, and being for something positive, looking for the positive change that is going to accomplish!
Acceptance and understanding of the present circumstances is the way to start. What has gotten you here and why. Don't be angry with yourself for being here with the problem, rather try to be your own friend and be accepting and comforting toward your inner child.
Then try to visualise a positive image change, and try to put it into words in a positive way. Instead of saying and thinking: I desperately need to give up smoking because..... and list all sorts of ways that are not truly your own heart's wishes.... try to make that decision your internal true wish, and put the goal into a positive mind-frame. It will be wonderful to be smoke-free because...and list positive changes you will enjoy.
We think it's criticism, non-acceptance and fighting against ourselves that will lead us onto the desired change. But perhaps it's the other way around.
Always be for something, instead of pushing against.
23.10.10
This moment is your time
Don't wait for tomorrow to be happy, or you will spend your life waiting... to be happy when/if something happens. This is it, the time will never be better for you to be happy.
“You overlook what is already ‘here’ as you chase after ‘there’; you miss the ‘sacred now’ as you ponder your ‘next step’; you forget to be grateful for what ‘is’ as you prey after ‘more’. You search, struggle, and strive, but you never arrive because you can’t get past the thought that something is missing.” — Robert Holden
The Structure
I remember a few years ago when I was discussing not working with someone, she said that the structure is needed that's provided by weekdays and weekends. Not having a clear picture of what the weekends mean, and lacking that structure makes life chaotic. It really rang a bell.
Now I clearly see the difference.
The structure of work-free time creates a balance.
You know that this is your time to get ready, get dressed and go to work. Then you will know this is the time to relax and unwind because this is your free time. And you will learn to look at it differently. To appreciate it and try to make the most it.
I think the ritual of getting ready and going to work, being there is also important. As opposed to doing work from home, which again can get chaotic in my opinion.
This Saturday I am not working in between two working weekends and last night when I turned in, I actually said out loud that I cannot wait for tomorrow. Suddenly less free time means more time. Because you learn to treat time differently and make the most of it, you learn to structure it, you are less likely to waste it, knowing how precious it is.
I am not all about balance and knowing limits. :) So this change has been helpful for me in this respect also. Another interesting thing I have noticed is that sometimes work is soo stressful with so many people and so many tasks at once, other times though it is lazy and slow and I suddenly find myself with nothing to do, which unnerves me.
So I have come to appreciate stress at work, believing that although it feels bad momentarily, it is sure to teach me skills like handling difficult situations, multitasking etc. A lot of work at work will mean I am learning and developing.
Perhaps there's a time for work and relaxation... and that kind of structure is needed in our lives. .....
Now I clearly see the difference.
The structure of work-free time creates a balance.
You know that this is your time to get ready, get dressed and go to work. Then you will know this is the time to relax and unwind because this is your free time. And you will learn to look at it differently. To appreciate it and try to make the most it.
I think the ritual of getting ready and going to work, being there is also important. As opposed to doing work from home, which again can get chaotic in my opinion.
This Saturday I am not working in between two working weekends and last night when I turned in, I actually said out loud that I cannot wait for tomorrow. Suddenly less free time means more time. Because you learn to treat time differently and make the most of it, you learn to structure it, you are less likely to waste it, knowing how precious it is.
I am not all about balance and knowing limits. :) So this change has been helpful for me in this respect also. Another interesting thing I have noticed is that sometimes work is soo stressful with so many people and so many tasks at once, other times though it is lazy and slow and I suddenly find myself with nothing to do, which unnerves me.
So I have come to appreciate stress at work, believing that although it feels bad momentarily, it is sure to teach me skills like handling difficult situations, multitasking etc. A lot of work at work will mean I am learning and developing.
Perhaps there's a time for work and relaxation... and that kind of structure is needed in our lives. .....
learning to be appreciative
I was writing in my journal for all the things I am grateful for, after a really happy week, when the next day my father died. I don't think I had ever before written about being happy and appreciative before that event.
Unfortunately, the trauma has made me wary about feeling things are going well, or being appreciative for fear of jinxing it.
But lately I have understood the power of appreciation. Taking time to consciously say thank you for little things that you may otherwise take for granted and be appreciative of everything you get, you get to do, are able to do, is a very positive ritual you can practice. Focusing on the positive in situations, learning to see the lesson and the hidden message in difficult situations is a skill you can develop at any time. And so according to the Law of Attraction, if you focus on the positive you will get more of it. If you concentrate on the lacking and everything that's not working, without trying to see the silver lining, it will only make you feel worse.
Practice giving blessings, or saying thank you in your mind, or out loud daily. And when something negative happens, try to do the same thing, think: yes that may be true, but it is great that....
Unfortunately, the trauma has made me wary about feeling things are going well, or being appreciative for fear of jinxing it.
But lately I have understood the power of appreciation. Taking time to consciously say thank you for little things that you may otherwise take for granted and be appreciative of everything you get, you get to do, are able to do, is a very positive ritual you can practice. Focusing on the positive in situations, learning to see the lesson and the hidden message in difficult situations is a skill you can develop at any time. And so according to the Law of Attraction, if you focus on the positive you will get more of it. If you concentrate on the lacking and everything that's not working, without trying to see the silver lining, it will only make you feel worse.
Practice giving blessings, or saying thank you in your mind, or out loud daily. And when something negative happens, try to do the same thing, think: yes that may be true, but it is great that....
18.10.10
update
what a great placeI always enjoy an involuntary digital sabbatical- for a while to see what difference it makes in my everyday life. One of the most difficult things is finding ways to wake up in the morning when I am not working, I always wake up with the computer.
My trance-y state is what I missed most, because I couldn't do music at work. It's lovely to find songs again to fall in love with.
In the past few days I have been faced with the possibility of losing all my data on the computer, files, photos, I have just realised I would have lost all photos I have of Aprilia. When thoughts were to overwhelm me, I immediately tried to find thoughts that would comfort me. It occured to me something I have read " It is just a thought and a thought can be changed." So I instantly knew that the fact of perhaps losing everything was not what bothered me but my thoughts about it and my thoughts are my designs, therefore can be changed as I please. So how I am going to feel is in my control.
Libraria Universitatea on V Alecsandri has a plethora of great self-development, positive thinking and spiritual books. I am reading Esther and Jerry Hicks Ask and it is given for a second time, to let it all sink in.
6.10.10
Be who you are Not!
I have always been an advocate of being who you are, only lately have I noticed the possibilities in being who you are not!
Doing things you don't generally do, wearing things you don't generally wear, going to places you don't usually go to, there's challenge in doing what you are not used to and discovering new sides to you.
I have recently become fascinated with something that is completely not my taste. And before trying, I said no way would I like that. I am surprised. More and more I am surprised by enjoying stuff that go against my nature which I thought I knew, my taste which I was so sure of.
Don't be sure of your true nature, become fascinated by not knowing who you are and rediscovering yourself, reinventing yourself.
Continue being self-aware and loosen your grip on a firm sense of identity.
Doing things you don't generally do, wearing things you don't generally wear, going to places you don't usually go to, there's challenge in doing what you are not used to and discovering new sides to you.
I have recently become fascinated with something that is completely not my taste. And before trying, I said no way would I like that. I am surprised. More and more I am surprised by enjoying stuff that go against my nature which I thought I knew, my taste which I was so sure of.
Don't be sure of your true nature, become fascinated by not knowing who you are and rediscovering yourself, reinventing yourself.
Continue being self-aware and loosen your grip on a firm sense of identity.
4.10.10
Guilt is a useless feeling
There are topics I love and always mean to write about. Guilt is a favorite.
Today's quote I have just seen, made me so excited:
"I release all feelings of worry and guilt. Throughout life, the two most futile emotions are guilt for what has been done and worry about what might be done." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
it makes me so thrilled right now to hear this. I have long been saying that guilt, remorse and those feelings of pangs of consciousness are useless!
Some of us may think that feeling guilt after you think you have done something wrong shows character or that you are a good person after all who resents having done that. So you say or think that you feel remorseful after something you should not have done.
I think it's all in the S H O U L D S.
I think Guilt is not you.
I think if you have done something, there IS NO reason to feel guilty about it.
If you did it, it probably means you really wanted to do it, even if you kind of felt you shouldn't have because it's wrong (says who?). But since you are the one who really wanted to, why feel guilt? What is the point? You probably knew very well what you were doing and YOU probably thought it was right too! By your standards. Guilt is about the others' expectations.
Guilt does not wash away anything and does not make you a great person, it doesn't give validity to any of the character traits you long for. If you truly think you have done something wrong or made a mistake work around ways to rectify it but don't feel guilty, that doesn't help in any way!
Guilt is not Yours! It's imposed by society of what should and shouldn't be done by a 'good person of integrity'. Guilt is not your voice, therefore it is not valid.
Give the old guilt a good kick in the butt, be you, do what you want. Abide by your truth! There's no guilt in your authentic voice!
Today's quote I have just seen, made me so excited:
"I release all feelings of worry and guilt. Throughout life, the two most futile emotions are guilt for what has been done and worry about what might be done." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
it makes me so thrilled right now to hear this. I have long been saying that guilt, remorse and those feelings of pangs of consciousness are useless!
Some of us may think that feeling guilt after you think you have done something wrong shows character or that you are a good person after all who resents having done that. So you say or think that you feel remorseful after something you should not have done.
I think it's all in the S H O U L D S.
I think Guilt is not you.
I think if you have done something, there IS NO reason to feel guilty about it.
If you did it, it probably means you really wanted to do it, even if you kind of felt you shouldn't have because it's wrong (says who?). But since you are the one who really wanted to, why feel guilt? What is the point? You probably knew very well what you were doing and YOU probably thought it was right too! By your standards. Guilt is about the others' expectations.
Guilt does not wash away anything and does not make you a great person, it doesn't give validity to any of the character traits you long for. If you truly think you have done something wrong or made a mistake work around ways to rectify it but don't feel guilty, that doesn't help in any way!
Guilt is not Yours! It's imposed by society of what should and shouldn't be done by a 'good person of integrity'. Guilt is not your voice, therefore it is not valid.
Give the old guilt a good kick in the butt, be you, do what you want. Abide by your truth! There's no guilt in your authentic voice!
3.10.10
Mentoring yourself
Last night as I was watching one of the talent shows, one of the participants said: "I would like to work with a mentor who sees my hidden possibilities." I love talent shows because it's very interesting to watch talented people being discovered and reinvented.
Can you try to be your own mentor? Do you see your possibilities?
2.10.10
3 random thoughts
- Your style is in the way you move. The way you put your feet down! It's in your presence like that.
- No matter how bad you think your natural eyebrows look, they look better than any tattooed eyebrows!
- The only thing that matters in a queue is the order in which people came. How tired you are, or how old you are, whether you are a man or a woman does not matter. Respect the order!
- If you want to make someone feel bad, go ahead and say anytime: "You look tired!" Always works.
mini clubbing gathering at work
Yesterday evening I found out I would have to work overtime and stay in an uncertain hours longer. It hit me out of the blue and it was my clubbing Friday. What bothered me most is the unknown of how much longer I would need to stay, it could range from one hour to half the night.
As I was preparing myself for the deal, I got a couple of phone calls from friends who were more than happy to come over and keep me company. It was almost midnight when I closed the clinic, but time passed by pleasantly in good company.
Negative thinking though made its mark on the event and looking back I now see that the whole thing was kind of funny and interesting, out-of-the-ordinary. Since I was looking forward to two free days, there was no real reason I should have looked at it as some horrible ordeal.
I know that negative thinking and constantly worrying -when can I leave, why do I have to stay, why me?- created more useless drama than the event itself.
It was only my way of thinking that 'made' the event so dramatic.
In reality I was lucky that my friends were free and were kind enough to want to stay with me. In reality it was almost like hanging out with them after work at a restaurant, minus the food :), even more interesting in a way.
My favorite saying from Shakespeare that it is neither good nor bad but we make it so is so true. It was basically me who wore myself out by my thinking, not the actual situation.
Try to always notice the hidden blessing in every situation instead of giving in and tiring yourself with negative thinking.
As I was preparing myself for the deal, I got a couple of phone calls from friends who were more than happy to come over and keep me company. It was almost midnight when I closed the clinic, but time passed by pleasantly in good company.
Negative thinking though made its mark on the event and looking back I now see that the whole thing was kind of funny and interesting, out-of-the-ordinary. Since I was looking forward to two free days, there was no real reason I should have looked at it as some horrible ordeal.
I know that negative thinking and constantly worrying -when can I leave, why do I have to stay, why me?- created more useless drama than the event itself.
It was only my way of thinking that 'made' the event so dramatic.
In reality I was lucky that my friends were free and were kind enough to want to stay with me. In reality it was almost like hanging out with them after work at a restaurant, minus the food :), even more interesting in a way.
My favorite saying from Shakespeare that it is neither good nor bad but we make it so is so true. It was basically me who wore myself out by my thinking, not the actual situation.
Try to always notice the hidden blessing in every situation instead of giving in and tiring yourself with negative thinking.
28.9.10
Do the Opposite!
of what you would normally do.
Makes perfect sense. It has recently occurred to me - What if I started undertaking challenges and engaged in a way of thinking completely opposite to what I have done so far. If my way of thinking and way of acting has produces the results I am not pleased with, it could be as easy as doing the things exactly opposite you have so far, and here's the key- you don't have to believe it's the right thing to do. Not at first. Take on the challenge, go with the flow and embrace the changes even if you are not a believer right away.
If you don't take your thoughts seriously, you can learn to cultivate new thoughts that work better for you, even if you are skeptical about them first. These new thoughts can produce the results you have been waiting for.
- “Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.”
Makes perfect sense. It has recently occurred to me - What if I started undertaking challenges and engaged in a way of thinking completely opposite to what I have done so far. If my way of thinking and way of acting has produces the results I am not pleased with, it could be as easy as doing the things exactly opposite you have so far, and here's the key- you don't have to believe it's the right thing to do. Not at first. Take on the challenge, go with the flow and embrace the changes even if you are not a believer right away.
If you don't take your thoughts seriously, you can learn to cultivate new thoughts that work better for you, even if you are skeptical about them first. These new thoughts can produce the results you have been waiting for.
26.9.10
on letting go and other ramblings
In the course of a lifetime we have to learn the lesson of letting go over and over again. It doesn't always get easier.
We feel a sense of loss and grieving sets in; a lot of reading on the subject has helped me develop a more helpful attitude.
Here's a great article on attachment and letting go.
Interestingly, when it comes to people, I am less possessive of them than I am of things and objects.
I think that during our lifetime we cross paths with many different people who become our friends, lovers, partners. I believe we meet them to learn from them and enjoy what we give each other. For a chosen while we walk together on a path.
I am grateful for each relationship I have had, I have received so much joy from the people I have loved.
I always believe in the notion that anytime someone does something kind for you or gives you their time or attention, it is not something to be taken for granted. It's something to be appreciated, because these people act on their free will, nobody owes you anything.
I believe that in every relationship and friendship, both parties have to want it. I don't believe it's a good idea to push and force and want to influence the other person to want you.
I believe it's not a good idea to grasp and try to hold on, rather let it be, let go of trying to control.
A healthy dose of mutual interest in each other needs to exist. A healthy balance of both people sharing their lives and both being curious and interested in the other person's well-being.
I also believe that a woman needs to know in each and every case just when to push a little and when to let go. I think it's a little bit of a game.
I believe that love is permissive. To me the notion of one person is almost inconceivable. I am always looking forward to the joy and excitement of finding love again. Love comes in so many forms, nothing is excluded, everything is permitted. Love is there to revel in it, in every form, if we have more friends, we can have more lovers.
Where a door has closed, another door will open. Trust in the process of letting go, practice acceptance and never regret, be grateful for everything you have given and received and for the joyful times. There will be plenty more.
Create a shift of focus:
"Don't be sad it's over. Be happy that it happened." Dr Seuss
We feel a sense of loss and grieving sets in; a lot of reading on the subject has helped me develop a more helpful attitude.
Here's a great article on attachment and letting go.
Interestingly, when it comes to people, I am less possessive of them than I am of things and objects.
I think that during our lifetime we cross paths with many different people who become our friends, lovers, partners. I believe we meet them to learn from them and enjoy what we give each other. For a chosen while we walk together on a path.
I am grateful for each relationship I have had, I have received so much joy from the people I have loved.
I always believe in the notion that anytime someone does something kind for you or gives you their time or attention, it is not something to be taken for granted. It's something to be appreciated, because these people act on their free will, nobody owes you anything.
I believe that in every relationship and friendship, both parties have to want it. I don't believe it's a good idea to push and force and want to influence the other person to want you.
I believe it's not a good idea to grasp and try to hold on, rather let it be, let go of trying to control.
A healthy dose of mutual interest in each other needs to exist. A healthy balance of both people sharing their lives and both being curious and interested in the other person's well-being.
I also believe that a woman needs to know in each and every case just when to push a little and when to let go. I think it's a little bit of a game.
I believe that love is permissive. To me the notion of one person is almost inconceivable. I am always looking forward to the joy and excitement of finding love again. Love comes in so many forms, nothing is excluded, everything is permitted. Love is there to revel in it, in every form, if we have more friends, we can have more lovers.
Where a door has closed, another door will open. Trust in the process of letting go, practice acceptance and never regret, be grateful for everything you have given and received and for the joyful times. There will be plenty more.
Create a shift of focus:
"Don't be sad it's over. Be happy that it happened." Dr Seuss
Challenge Yourself
It is very possible that you are capable of much more than you currently think you are and you are are not taking chances to discover your dormant abilities.
One of my biggest motivators has been- being infuriated by letting opportunities go by and failing to live up to 'my potential'. I find the topic of potential a fascinating one. We don't know what our potential can be, good bits of self-awareness, intelligence, self-confidence and imagination helps tapping into it.
Fear though is doing its job from the background to prevent us from fulfilling our potential.
Currently I am so intrigued by this that I want to play around with the idea. It seems to me that we are capable of never beforeseen changes.
How about challenging yourself to take on a project and see whether it works out.
Adopting the attitude of "Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step."
Self-confidence grows with every step achieved. It can be exhiliarating to see yourself succeed at things you never even dreamed you would, before.
Just take on a challenge and consider it a game.
All the time it's important not to take failure to heart and not to scare yourself when things don't go your way, or fall back into old patterns of thinking -I knew it wouldn't work.....
Be intrigued by what can happen, what you are capable of, trust in your growth and take failure with grace, it's part of the progress!
Adopt a playful attitude for the game of discovering your potential. You are the creator, you can reinvent it, play with it, just don't let your potential stay dormant forever.
23.9.10
The "Who's busier" contest
This post really speaks to me. When has talking about how busy we are become so trendy? People meet and what they talk about is share details about just how busy they are. It's like trying to win the who's busier contest? But since when does who's busier translate to who's more worthy? Who's happier, or who's living a more fulfilling life?? As the article points out, it doesn't quite, but that's what we have come to.
We talk about our time and our busy lifestyle as if we are prisoners to it. But we forget that time is in our control, not vice versa. I have noticed that since I have started working and obviously have less time, it feels like I have more time! I get the feeling that the more I do, the more time I have. It's always the way you look at it. And you will always have time for what you want. You are the creator of your time-table, it doesn't force you to do anything you don't accept. And the excuse of not having enough time is in the end just an excuse, I firmly believe that we always have time for what we truly want.
Perhaps we can try to create a new trend, who has more time to relax? Who gets more time to sit still and enjoy their own company, or their loved ones company without doing anything special, or anything scheduled, or anything so called productive. Staying still is productive.
We talk about our time and our busy lifestyle as if we are prisoners to it. But we forget that time is in our control, not vice versa. I have noticed that since I have started working and obviously have less time, it feels like I have more time! I get the feeling that the more I do, the more time I have. It's always the way you look at it. And you will always have time for what you want. You are the creator of your time-table, it doesn't force you to do anything you don't accept. And the excuse of not having enough time is in the end just an excuse, I firmly believe that we always have time for what we truly want.
Perhaps we can try to create a new trend, who has more time to relax? Who gets more time to sit still and enjoy their own company, or their loved ones company without doing anything special, or anything scheduled, or anything so called productive. Staying still is productive.
16.9.10
You are not one way or another
Your character is not set in stone.
You can change a character trait by conscious awareness and effort to change the habits that are not working for you.
Nothing is predetermined and decided for you.
You can change a character trait by conscious awareness and effort to change the habits that are not working for you.
Nothing is predetermined and decided for you.
14.9.10
but who am I?
photo fromso I thought I know myself, I thought I was aware of my strengths and weaknesses and what I wanted and didn't want. Turns out, everything can get turned upside down. By your thinking. By selecting your thoughts and developing new thoughts, you can change everything about your life.
I've recently read in a Louise Hay book if I am not mistaken, but I will take time to search for it, that you can select your thoughts like you select food from a menu in a restaurant. You select the ones you like and nourish you. If you understand this and start practicing it, the changes can be downright astonishing. You don't have to believe the thoughts at first, practice is key, even if you don't believe it at first. It's a roller-coaster right now. I look back at so many stages and think to myself, how could I live like that? What was that like anyway. Imagine looking back at right now from years ahead.
It means nothing the way you have lived up to now. The mistakes you have made, the missed opportunities mean nothing. Anything can start now, from what seems like nothing.
The place where you are at right now is produced by the thoughts you have been thinking so far. If you don't like it, change your thoughts to get other results. Whatever beliefs you hold about yourself not being capable or worthy of better can change by selecting thoughts that work for you. You are the governor of your mind! You are in the driver's seat.
13.9.10
Everyone is your teacher
photo from somewhere hereWhat we can dream we can do. Dream it, believe in it, hold it in your mind, see the images and the end result. Thank you Lavinia for looking at me and telling me this: But why wouldn't you be able to do it? You can do anything you desire, if you truly want it.
Sometimes it's advice you have heard before, things you have read before but so many times simple good advice resonates with me for some reason whether it's coming from people you care about or a stranger in the street. Anyone you encounter can have something valuable to say to you, just be open to the lessons. Imagine that each person you come across is your teacher, whether you like them or not they have something to teach you.
12.9.10
Conscious Living vs. the Victim Mentality
I have always been in awe of those who live their lives consciously planning and working on their goals and improving their life circumstances. I have been thinking, what's their secret.
Perhaps a lot depends on the way you have been brought up- if you have developed the victim mentality, believing that you are a helpless doll life throws around the way it pleases, leaving you no choice but to take it and suffer through it all.
Either way, if you have fallen for the victim mentality, it is never too late to change your thinking, and owning up to the fact that it is your choice how you live your life and that you are capable of bringing about the changes you desire.
You are capable of breaking free! Anytime. If it hasn't happened so far, it can happen now. You can make things happen, instead of letting them happen to you.
Life doesn't keep you stuck, it is your choice!
Perhaps a lot depends on the way you have been brought up- if you have developed the victim mentality, believing that you are a helpless doll life throws around the way it pleases, leaving you no choice but to take it and suffer through it all.
Either way, if you have fallen for the victim mentality, it is never too late to change your thinking, and owning up to the fact that it is your choice how you live your life and that you are capable of bringing about the changes you desire.
You are capable of breaking free! Anytime. If it hasn't happened so far, it can happen now. You can make things happen, instead of letting them happen to you.
Life doesn't keep you stuck, it is your choice!
Take a Leap of Faith
Leap and a Net will Appear
came across some inspiring quotes on the topic today. I have come to believe that when you feel something needs to be done but you don't see the ways and the hows just yet, you need to take a leap of faith.
Some more quotes from the Secret:
"Take a first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step." Martin Luther King
"Our job is not to figure out the How, the How will show up out of the commitment and the belief in the What".
Many times we don't take the first step, we feel stuck because we don't get to see the whole road and all the solutions to the obstacles, but there's no need to see all the ways.
If I believe in my goal, and take a leap of faith, I'll be supported and the solutions will be offered along the way.
came across some inspiring quotes on the topic today. I have come to believe that when you feel something needs to be done but you don't see the ways and the hows just yet, you need to take a leap of faith.
Some more quotes from the Secret:
"Take a first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step." Martin Luther King
"Our job is not to figure out the How, the How will show up out of the commitment and the belief in the What".
Many times we don't take the first step, we feel stuck because we don't get to see the whole road and all the solutions to the obstacles, but there's no need to see all the ways.
If I believe in my goal, and take a leap of faith, I'll be supported and the solutions will be offered along the way.
impressing others
So how much time, money and focus do you spend on impressing others? How much of what you do daily is to impress others?
I think we have convinced ourselves that we do it for us, to feel better about ourselves, to increase our self-confidence. But where does our self confidence come from? Is it based on external validation and approval?
We are ourselves no matter what, and I feel the same way about myself whether I spend time on wanting to impress others or not. What do you really think?
What are the real costs of the quest of impressing others?
I think we have convinced ourselves that we do it for us, to feel better about ourselves, to increase our self-confidence. But where does our self confidence come from? Is it based on external validation and approval?
We are ourselves no matter what, and I feel the same way about myself whether I spend time on wanting to impress others or not. What do you really think?
What are the real costs of the quest of impressing others?
5.9.10
suffering is optional
“While pain might be inevitable,
the suffering that comes from the pain is not.
Suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind.
Suffering is your response to an event.
Whether you suffer or not depends
entirely on your reaction to that situation."
Paramahamsa Nithyananda
http://thinksimplenow.com
This realisation is so powerful. This is not about denying your pain, not accepting your feelings or trying to push them away.
Rather it's about understanding that you are mastering your thoughts and your thoughts will create your feelings.
Often when something bad happens we make it worse by thinking that we should feel bad because, wait.. this is a bad situation, everyone would feel bad... But while the situation is there, your reaction is up to you. There's no written rule about how you are supposed to feel. Maybe you suffer more in situations others handle easier and react to what seem terrible traumas to others in a better way.
But remember, nothing is good or bad, a situation is just what it is, we judge it in our minds and based on that judgement our feelings follow. It's not the situation that causes your feelings, it's your thoughts about it.
the suffering that comes from the pain is not.
Suffering is not a state of life, it is a state of mind.
Suffering is your response to an event.
Whether you suffer or not depends
entirely on your reaction to that situation."
Paramahamsa Nithyananda
http://thinksimplenow.com
This realisation is so powerful. This is not about denying your pain, not accepting your feelings or trying to push them away.
Rather it's about understanding that you are mastering your thoughts and your thoughts will create your feelings.
Often when something bad happens we make it worse by thinking that we should feel bad because, wait.. this is a bad situation, everyone would feel bad... But while the situation is there, your reaction is up to you. There's no written rule about how you are supposed to feel. Maybe you suffer more in situations others handle easier and react to what seem terrible traumas to others in a better way.
But remember, nothing is good or bad, a situation is just what it is, we judge it in our minds and based on that judgement our feelings follow. It's not the situation that causes your feelings, it's your thoughts about it.
1.9.10
Keep it in the Now
Sometimes when something bad happens to us, we feel sad because of imagining how we are going to feel.
We look to the future and imagine how difficult it is going to be in the upcoming days, months.
How about trying to concentrate on the present moment, instead of looking ahead with grief. The present moment is what we have. Let's deal with that. Why make ourselves miserable over how we will feel, which is an assumption anyway. Why cross bridges of pain we haven't even come to. Take the burden off, keep your feelings in the now.
We look to the future and imagine how difficult it is going to be in the upcoming days, months.
How about trying to concentrate on the present moment, instead of looking ahead with grief. The present moment is what we have. Let's deal with that. Why make ourselves miserable over how we will feel, which is an assumption anyway. Why cross bridges of pain we haven't even come to. Take the burden off, keep your feelings in the now.
31.8.10
Caring too much can be harmful
Caring too much about how well you are performing a task can do more harm than good. Can result in extra tiring work checking yourself if you are doing well, and can actually keep you from doing anything at all.
The perfectionist streak in us can hold us back and keep us stuck! Recognise it and try to nip it in the bud.
What aren't you doing that you'd really like to do because you think at this point you might not be able to do a perfect job, or it won't work out just as it should. Do you find yourself putting off a task to someday when you think you will somehow do a better job?
In the end is it better not to do it all? Who will notice it's not as perfect as you think it should be? Chances are it's all in your mind only.
Practice letting go of the perfectionist streak in you, gradually, because it's freeing and can make you more productive.
Just do it and it will be as it's supposed to be at this moment in time.
The perfectionist streak in us can hold us back and keep us stuck! Recognise it and try to nip it in the bud.
What aren't you doing that you'd really like to do because you think at this point you might not be able to do a perfect job, or it won't work out just as it should. Do you find yourself putting off a task to someday when you think you will somehow do a better job?
In the end is it better not to do it all? Who will notice it's not as perfect as you think it should be? Chances are it's all in your mind only.
Practice letting go of the perfectionist streak in you, gradually, because it's freeing and can make you more productive.
Just do it and it will be as it's supposed to be at this moment in time.
What motivates our desires
http://mnmlist.com/fake-needs/
What an inspiring, simple and to the point post this is from one of my favorite blogs speaking about my favorite topic as of late- simplifying.
The topic has become of great interest to me since I started working. I think this is one of the biggest, completely out-of-the blue changes I have noticed that I just haven't expected.
In me there's a big conflict on the subject because one of my main interests is actually style and decorating, but the other is exactly authenticity and what motivates us, our inner desire or our fake desire to conform to society's expectations.
What a loaded subject this is.
I think it's always very important to check in with ourselves and ask ourselves where our desire for more things, for aesthetics come from.
Ever since I started working, I noticed that the desire or the need I feel to beautify and to upgrade myself or my environment is actually very tiring and many times useless. We often think that keeping up with these facades is necessary to be liked and accepted in society but what if this is only in our minds and there's next to no truth to it?! I have noticed that when I don't care, because my true nature is not to care :) nothing happens. Nobody even notices. We self-create these expectations and what we think are needs, to complicate our own lives I am afraid. The article suggests that we let go a little and try the game of giving up on these needs just a bit to see what happens. I am always surprised that nothing does.
It is worth dwelving into this because it eats up a lot of our time and makes our lives unnecessarily more complicated, all the time we could dedicate to other useful things, or doing things we truly enjoy.
The bottom line always is tapping into your inner voice to find out what motivates these needs and desires. Is it because you truly want to cater to them for yourself, and why is that (do you enjoy it?), or is it because of what you think others will think and say.
And what that comes down to, is who then runs your life, because ultimately it is your time, your life we are talking about, who are you living for?
What an inspiring, simple and to the point post this is from one of my favorite blogs speaking about my favorite topic as of late- simplifying.
The topic has become of great interest to me since I started working. I think this is one of the biggest, completely out-of-the blue changes I have noticed that I just haven't expected.
In me there's a big conflict on the subject because one of my main interests is actually style and decorating, but the other is exactly authenticity and what motivates us, our inner desire or our fake desire to conform to society's expectations.
What a loaded subject this is.
I think it's always very important to check in with ourselves and ask ourselves where our desire for more things, for aesthetics come from.
Ever since I started working, I noticed that the desire or the need I feel to beautify and to upgrade myself or my environment is actually very tiring and many times useless. We often think that keeping up with these facades is necessary to be liked and accepted in society but what if this is only in our minds and there's next to no truth to it?! I have noticed that when I don't care, because my true nature is not to care :) nothing happens. Nobody even notices. We self-create these expectations and what we think are needs, to complicate our own lives I am afraid. The article suggests that we let go a little and try the game of giving up on these needs just a bit to see what happens. I am always surprised that nothing does.
It is worth dwelving into this because it eats up a lot of our time and makes our lives unnecessarily more complicated, all the time we could dedicate to other useful things, or doing things we truly enjoy.
The bottom line always is tapping into your inner voice to find out what motivates these needs and desires. Is it because you truly want to cater to them for yourself, and why is that (do you enjoy it?), or is it because of what you think others will think and say.
And what that comes down to, is who then runs your life, because ultimately it is your time, your life we are talking about, who are you living for?
29.8.10
"I am claustrophobic"
Patient stands in front of me to ask for an appointment for a MRI examination and states this for a fact:
" I have claustrophobia."
While I will go last to brush aside mental issues as trifles, my first thought was: Who told you that?
I was just thinking what will happen to her if she comes to the examination bearing the full belief that she has claustrophobia, how will that help her stay for the examination?
She and I talk a little bit, I tried to find out how come she is so sure of this and she couldn't come up with too many reasons or even examples to support this belief.
How many of us live our lives with a false belief about us, that we believe to be real. We often give so much power to these beliefs that they hold us back for a lifetime. But who said you have claustrophobia, you are not good at something or you are a certain way. Don't let these limiting beliefs get in the way of taking chances. Try the game to form a new belief and make that your truth from now. See how it works.
Question everything. When a self-limiting thought occurs, ask yourself immediately, who says so?
" I have claustrophobia."
While I will go last to brush aside mental issues as trifles, my first thought was: Who told you that?
I was just thinking what will happen to her if she comes to the examination bearing the full belief that she has claustrophobia, how will that help her stay for the examination?
She and I talk a little bit, I tried to find out how come she is so sure of this and she couldn't come up with too many reasons or even examples to support this belief.
How many of us live our lives with a false belief about us, that we believe to be real. We often give so much power to these beliefs that they hold us back for a lifetime. But who said you have claustrophobia, you are not good at something or you are a certain way. Don't let these limiting beliefs get in the way of taking chances. Try the game to form a new belief and make that your truth from now. See how it works.
Question everything. When a self-limiting thought occurs, ask yourself immediately, who says so?
you decide how old you are
Two women aged 7o both walk in the ultrasound room to be examined, one after the other.
I didn't know their age beforehand. The first woman I would have guessed 50, moved around and seemed upbeat, I was very surprised to see at the end of the examination that she was 70.
The next patient comes in moving with great difficulty and generally moaning and sighing about life. She complained about her mental wellbeing and looked very old and broken. The doctor asked her how old she is and she answered the following way: : "Oh, I am very old. I am 70."
You give your own significance to the number you have to live with. It's 7o in both cases, but if asked, the first patient would surely not have answered the same way, thinking that 70 = very old.
Health problems can strike at any age, but there's no need walking around believing that old age automatically means helplessness. Nothing automatically means anything, nothing is written in stone for us beforehand. But whatever we believe in, we will make our reality, whether it's true or not, it will be true for us.... so check in and ask yourself why you believe what you believe.
I didn't know their age beforehand. The first woman I would have guessed 50, moved around and seemed upbeat, I was very surprised to see at the end of the examination that she was 70.
The next patient comes in moving with great difficulty and generally moaning and sighing about life. She complained about her mental wellbeing and looked very old and broken. The doctor asked her how old she is and she answered the following way: : "Oh, I am very old. I am 70."
You give your own significance to the number you have to live with. It's 7o in both cases, but if asked, the first patient would surely not have answered the same way, thinking that 70 = very old.
Health problems can strike at any age, but there's no need walking around believing that old age automatically means helplessness. Nothing automatically means anything, nothing is written in stone for us beforehand. But whatever we believe in, we will make our reality, whether it's true or not, it will be true for us.... so check in and ask yourself why you believe what you believe.
it's your responsibility
If your parents haven't done their job, you can correct their mistake now!
If your parents haven't made you feel nurtured, protected and encouraged, you as an adult now have the possibility to correct their mistake.
If they failed to do their job to instill confidence in you that you can achieve your dreams, it has now become your responsibility toward yourself to believe and trust in yourself. Who will encourage you if you don't? Who will support you if you are against yourself?
They didn't know any better. But now, you do!
If your parents haven't made you feel nurtured, protected and encouraged, you as an adult now have the possibility to correct their mistake.
If they failed to do their job to instill confidence in you that you can achieve your dreams, it has now become your responsibility toward yourself to believe and trust in yourself. Who will encourage you if you don't? Who will support you if you are against yourself?
They didn't know any better. But now, you do!
21.8.10
What defines you?
What defines you? What do you stand for? When you are stripped of all your belongings, possessions, loved ones, family members, where do you stand, who are you?
What do you believe in, what is your authentic voice? Whose voice are you listening to?
What do you believe in, what is your authentic voice? Whose voice are you listening to?
it's already in us
back to I'll be happy when... I think it's our human nature to believe that one day it will all fall into place and we'll achieve true happiness and contentment. Just then. When we get that one more thing we lack at this moment. Or when all our ducks are in a row.
But this is self-delusion. It will not be like that. It will be like it is now, today.
The lacking we feel now, the discontent, the frustration will all be there just when that one more thing is achieved. It's all about how we think and feel inside, and that's not determined by our outside circumstances. The things we strive for will help us, and will make our lives easier and more enjoyable but the contentment we need to find inside us right now, not later, when we believe things will fall into place. We can fall into place right now if we align our thoughts! Nothing at all indicates that if our life circumstances get 'better', we will feel better.
Don't wait for more reasons to feel good!
But this is self-delusion. It will not be like that. It will be like it is now, today.
The lacking we feel now, the discontent, the frustration will all be there just when that one more thing is achieved. It's all about how we think and feel inside, and that's not determined by our outside circumstances. The things we strive for will help us, and will make our lives easier and more enjoyable but the contentment we need to find inside us right now, not later, when we believe things will fall into place. We can fall into place right now if we align our thoughts! Nothing at all indicates that if our life circumstances get 'better', we will feel better.
Don't wait for more reasons to feel good!
19.8.10
the Freedom to choose
I think Freedom is underrated. We talk about health and love as most important in our lives, I think Freedom is probably the most valuable thing. The freedom to choose. Unless we are literally held captive or have to do prison time, we are free to live our lives the way we want, to shape our future the way we want and to think for ourselves the way we decide is best for us. We are always free to choose to think thoughts that support us.
15.8.10
in trance
Trance music is my lifesaver. It's my addiction since '98 when I first caught Judge Jules on air on Radio 1. Listening to it, I literally feel my problems fly away. It's a mood elevator and spirit lifter like nothing else, almost. I cannot believe it's a harmless addiction, except the noise my neighbours may have to put up with. Coz this one only works with volume!
This particular song is not in my favorite style, I prefer non-vocals, but the build-up and the breakdown is very well done, and it's a tune I keep listening to over and over again this weekend.
One of life's great 'little' pleasures is coming across a song every so often that you fall in love with, play it over and over, and I do never get sick of them. As long as trance music is with me I will be fine.
This particular song is not in my favorite style, I prefer non-vocals, but the build-up and the breakdown is very well done, and it's a tune I keep listening to over and over again this weekend.
One of life's great 'little' pleasures is coming across a song every so often that you fall in love with, play it over and over, and I do never get sick of them. As long as trance music is with me I will be fine.
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