This week I was offered a lesson that confirmed once again: a situation is just that, we make it positive or negative with our thinking, which we can change anytime.
When you find yourself facing a challenge of accepting a situation, or trying to solve a problem you don't know how to, try to think about changing the way you think about the situation instead of trying to do something about changing the situation.
I was in a position where I felt frustrated, yet I didn't know if I was going to find the right solution... so I thought to myself what would help is to find a thought among the so many that helps. Helps accept, helps deal, or helps come up with the solution, a thought that would give me solace. A dear friend showed me the way like a miracle. I instantly knew it was just the thought that would give me solace. From now on, whenever the same situation presents itself, I know where to turn to, to the thought that calms me down.
It's amazing what you can achieve with simply changing your mind!
31.12.10
create a shift
When a problem emerges, instead of reacting with -oh not, again, or -oh, not now, try creating a shift and being grateful for the fact that you are given the chance of working on it simply by still being alive. Be happy that you have the chance at all to come up with a plan.
28.12.10
2010 Life Lessons part 2
Sometimes wanting to do a perfect job sets the wrong mind-set and infuses you with anxiety. For me, what works is the idea of just doing it. I have learned that good enough is enough. Sometimes the only one who notices the difference between good enough and perfect is just you.
Earlier in the year I have read an amazing newsletter about being Guests on earth and Dido's song for me shares the same idea. It helps to look at yourself as an outsider sometimes, it takes the edge off. It's one of the attitudes that truly helped me this year, trying to take things less personally, practicing detachment from yourself.
Back to we don't really know ourselves. Even if you have been a certain way up to now, it is not impossible to change, even core character traits. I have discovered so much difference about myself this year, that I couldn't believe it. The saying -never say never- has never applied to me better. Makes you wonder and curious just how much more is in you and what changes are possible in the future.
Sometimes we panic and get overwhelmed when faced with a situation or a project that we imagine how it will or will not work out. I absolutely love the saying: "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King. It really is about baby steps, or taking one day at a time. Everything appears less daunting.
Even though this year has been all about change, one thing that only got reinforced is where my true passion lies, the combination of style and self-improvement. "Don't die with your music still in you" said by Wayne Dyer, is my big motivator; and that I believe it is our responsibility to do our best to fulfill our potentials.
A lot of my posts have revolved around postponing happiness, waiting until we think we deserve to be happy to feel happy. The time will never be more right to be happy than it is now. It's sad sometimes that we don't know this. Taking things for granted is a poor habit we easily adopt without awareness. Practising gratefulness and realising we have so much to be grateful for and happy for helps counteract taking things for granted.
Letting go is a powerful and positive action to take. Taking stock of what is no longer working and taking action about it makes way for positive change. After mourning, the sun comes up again and new opportunities show up if you care to see and don't spend more time on longing for the bygones. Self-awareness and being in the present helps here. It is my opinion that it's classy to let go when you are 'on top', to enjoy and cherish something beautiful while it lasts but recognise the time when you need to let go! It's not always easy to recognise what is still worth fighting for and when letting go of an attachment is far healthier than clinging to it.
Earlier in the year I have read an amazing newsletter about being Guests on earth and Dido's song for me shares the same idea. It helps to look at yourself as an outsider sometimes, it takes the edge off. It's one of the attitudes that truly helped me this year, trying to take things less personally, practicing detachment from yourself.
Back to we don't really know ourselves. Even if you have been a certain way up to now, it is not impossible to change, even core character traits. I have discovered so much difference about myself this year, that I couldn't believe it. The saying -never say never- has never applied to me better. Makes you wonder and curious just how much more is in you and what changes are possible in the future.
Sometimes we panic and get overwhelmed when faced with a situation or a project that we imagine how it will or will not work out. I absolutely love the saying: "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step." Martin Luther King. It really is about baby steps, or taking one day at a time. Everything appears less daunting.
Even though this year has been all about change, one thing that only got reinforced is where my true passion lies, the combination of style and self-improvement. "Don't die with your music still in you" said by Wayne Dyer, is my big motivator; and that I believe it is our responsibility to do our best to fulfill our potentials.
A lot of my posts have revolved around postponing happiness, waiting until we think we deserve to be happy to feel happy. The time will never be more right to be happy than it is now. It's sad sometimes that we don't know this. Taking things for granted is a poor habit we easily adopt without awareness. Practising gratefulness and realising we have so much to be grateful for and happy for helps counteract taking things for granted.
Letting go is a powerful and positive action to take. Taking stock of what is no longer working and taking action about it makes way for positive change. After mourning, the sun comes up again and new opportunities show up if you care to see and don't spend more time on longing for the bygones. Self-awareness and being in the present helps here. It is my opinion that it's classy to let go when you are 'on top', to enjoy and cherish something beautiful while it lasts but recognise the time when you need to let go! It's not always easy to recognise what is still worth fighting for and when letting go of an attachment is far healthier than clinging to it.
Your genuine desire vs everything else/ What we do for blending in
What matters more? Your own peace of mind knowing you did what you knew you had to do to be true to yourself, or playing along for the 'what the others think of you' game?
At what lengths will we go to keep up appearances, to please the crowd and make them think the best of you.
In what situations do we NEED to keep up a good picture of ourselves?
How much of our own true desire will we give up in the process?
Can we be considered selfish if we act in accordance with our own desire.
Or do we play, welcome to the theatre, where everyone plays what is expected of them, to hell with the truth, no one cares about that.
How much does this have to do with blending in at all costs, in no way should anyone think you think otherwise.
The case for Blending in vs standing up for yourself to be different.
What in the end keeps you content? Or your contentment doesn't matter?
How to find the compromise....
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
At what lengths will we go to keep up appearances, to please the crowd and make them think the best of you.
In what situations do we NEED to keep up a good picture of ourselves?
How much of our own true desire will we give up in the process?
Can we be considered selfish if we act in accordance with our own desire.
Or do we play, welcome to the theatre, where everyone plays what is expected of them, to hell with the truth, no one cares about that.
How much does this have to do with blending in at all costs, in no way should anyone think you think otherwise.
The case for Blending in vs standing up for yourself to be different.
What in the end keeps you content? Or your contentment doesn't matter?
How to find the compromise....
"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." ?
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
26.12.10
Do it anyway!
In our someday syndrome, we often wait around for the perfect alignment of everything before our eyes. So that we get permission to start. Just the right motivation, just the right time, when there's no other problem hanging around, when you no longer feel fear, you are in the right mood, energy, we make up all sorts of imagined barriers, and in our perfect scenario everything has to click so we can start tackling the big project.
Start anyway. Start anytime, anyway. There's no need to see the whole thing unfolding before you to start. There's no need to see how exactly you will tackle the project, how it's all going to work out. Feel the fear but start anyway and have faith in your ability and that your circumstances will align themselves after you have started to reward you.
Do it anyway, without knowing it all and having all the answers ahead.
2010 in part 1
Here are the latest treasures I have come across:
and this has surprised me how it's right down to my interests, the combo of style and self-improvement.
2010 Life Lessons Part 1
It would be difficult to sum up everything that has changed in my life since I have started working, one noticeable change is how I treasure my free time now vs. before it was all free time. Knowing there's a limited amount of it, makes you want to make good use of it. Which doesn't necessarily mean being unable to relax or wind down. But it makes you take the opportunities of participating at events, having fun at gatherings, not wanting to miss out on anything that brings joy. Here's a post I wrote about the structure of work-free time. It makes you conscious of how you want to spend it. Thus I created a list of relaxing, rejuvenating activities to do that make me happy and I turn to the list every single weekend.
Avoid coming to conclusions about an event right after it happens. A seemingly negative event can have unseen hidden miracles that you may only come to realise later. Try to dance with your circumstances and when something 'bad' happens, try to go with the flow. Know that there may be hidden lessons for you somewhere that you will come to appreciate later. A difficult challenge might just be the thing that teaches you valuable lessons!
You gotta work on the someday syndrome. Someday, or Later might never come. Before you know it, you run out of time and you wake up realising you have not fulfilled so much of your given talents and potential. It is up to you to find that motivating energy that will push you through the idleness, I tend to think it's something inspiring and positive but for me it was ultimately anger. Just don't wait for some miracle to show up, or for the motivating force, but make it happen!
If you think you know yourself, you are wrong. :) You don't know half of yourself. You are much more than you think you are. Be aware of - being yourself. Strive to be who you want to be. Be curious about your potential, about discovering -the so much more in you. Sometimes, out of fun try to do the opposite or something completely different that you would normally do in those circumstances, and notice the change. The advice of being yourself is limiting. It's about being the way you have been so far. But there's so much more about you, than so far. Give yourself new challenges, new situations to discover more about yourself and push through your imagined limits that have put you in the category of Yourself So far.
Self-awareness, the ability to know what moves you is the base of it all. That uncanny self-assuredness that will make you wear the clothes you like is what determines your style. Your style lies in in the way you carry yourself, the way you move and put down your feet literally. It's in your knowing who you are, what you like and what you don't stand up for. It's about allowing yourself to play around without censoring or trying to be too put together. Personal style stands out in those who know how to stand up with authority but with humility. Those with a good sense of style in my opinion also have a strong sense of body image. It's this kind of individuality that puts its mark on everything one does and oozes through your presence.
I am eternally grateful to trance music. Trance feeds me, soothes me, elevates me, gives me hope and peace of mind when nothing else can. I have found this gift and I stand in awe of it every day.
If there's one thing to remember it's this: There is no such thing as good or bad. There's something neutral that happens, and we make it good or bad with own thinking. But the trick is that we are the masters of our own mind, we control our thoughts, not vice versa. This knowledge is what can ultimately save you and create a total transformation! You can change your thinking and thus your feelings. Your feelings are the results of your thinking, and so they are also in your own hands. So that's why one person in the same life circumstances flourishes and the other is miserable. Because the first one has discovered this SECRET. It's always up to you how you interpret an event and what you make of it, of yourself and of your life. And you can govern everything with your thinking!
24.12.10
the greatest loss
I have come across this quote posted on fb by Tina from Think Simple Now:
I think though, that the big loss lies in what we never even get to discover. It lies in the hidden talents that never get to surface because of our imagined limitations or our lack of faith in ourselves. I hope that next year you will find the motivation to bring your dormant abilities to surface, I hope that next year will be the year when you uncover your hidden potential. Because you have so much potential that you see right now. Next year will be the year to wake up! It will be the year when you get to shut up your censoring inner voice and tear down the walls that keep you from living out your passion!
I hope that next year will surprise you in many ways. Most of all in getting to know you all over again, in discovering you are so much more than you have thought.
Think about all the gifts you have, all that you are good at, or that would be good at if only..... I hope that it will be the year when the if only-s go. Remember that you have the cards you are handed and it's up to you how you play them. What a true loss it would be not to recognise them, or if recognised, to keep them buried. It is your responsibility alone to recognise your gifts and play them right, to find a way to kiss the if only and I can't lists goodbye. Next year you will have the courage to come out of your hiding and surprise yourself!
I think though, that the big loss lies in what we never even get to discover. It lies in the hidden talents that never get to surface because of our imagined limitations or our lack of faith in ourselves. I hope that next year you will find the motivation to bring your dormant abilities to surface, I hope that next year will be the year when you uncover your hidden potential. Because you have so much potential that you see right now. Next year will be the year to wake up! It will be the year when you get to shut up your censoring inner voice and tear down the walls that keep you from living out your passion!
I hope that next year will surprise you in many ways. Most of all in getting to know you all over again, in discovering you are so much more than you have thought.
Think about all the gifts you have, all that you are good at, or that would be good at if only..... I hope that it will be the year when the if only-s go. Remember that you have the cards you are handed and it's up to you how you play them. What a true loss it would be not to recognise them, or if recognised, to keep them buried. It is your responsibility alone to recognise your gifts and play them right, to find a way to kiss the if only and I can't lists goodbye. Next year you will have the courage to come out of your hiding and surprise yourself!
22.12.10
stubborn convictions
Examine the beliefs you stubbornly defend in your life. What are these and why are you defending them every time? Is this defense mechanism helping you or preventing you from moving forward?
Is it possible you would benefit from giving up your long-held convictions on a particular subject?
Is it possible you would benefit from giving up your long-held convictions on a particular subject?
Conscious small changes
Often when we think of making resolutions we think of big changes, big achievements and we get discouraged when they don't work out right away.
With conscious smaller changes we can achieve good results. When you examine something not working in your life, you can try a less scary, smaller change instead.
When you consider making resolutions for next year, think on a smaller scale, you can create big change with a series of smaller improvements.
If you have developed a pattern of going to bed late every night, try getting to bed somewhat earlier.
If you catch yourself hunching your back, vow to pay attention and straighten your shoulders when you remember.
When you are faced with a problem, try to focus on solutions and what you can do to facilitate the change. You are behind the wheel, and with your everyday choices you govern your life toward the chosen direction!
With conscious smaller changes we can achieve good results. When you examine something not working in your life, you can try a less scary, smaller change instead.
When you consider making resolutions for next year, think on a smaller scale, you can create big change with a series of smaller improvements.
If you have developed a pattern of going to bed late every night, try getting to bed somewhat earlier.
If you catch yourself hunching your back, vow to pay attention and straighten your shoulders when you remember.
When you are faced with a problem, try to focus on solutions and what you can do to facilitate the change. You are behind the wheel, and with your everyday choices you govern your life toward the chosen direction!
Reflect with prompts
Here's a wonderful link if you want to reflect on the year and take stock of important moments - prompts written for every day in December by famous bloggers.
and some more:
* What idea/project has not worked this year that needs a fresh approach next year. How will you change your attitude about it so that it works out.
* What practices have you consciously turned to this year that made you truly happy?
* Which piece of music, article or movie has made a lasting impression on you this year and how?
* What worry, negative thought do you need to let go of for next year?
* How have you evolved, surprised yourself this year? Any 180 changes?
* Is there a belief that was shaken to the core this year? Something you have changed your mind about?
* What has been the biggest discovery?
* If you have a list of things you still want to do in your lifetime, what items have you crossed off this year?
and some more:
* What idea/project has not worked this year that needs a fresh approach next year. How will you change your attitude about it so that it works out.
* What practices have you consciously turned to this year that made you truly happy?
* Which piece of music, article or movie has made a lasting impression on you this year and how?
* What worry, negative thought do you need to let go of for next year?
* How have you evolved, surprised yourself this year? Any 180 changes?
* Is there a belief that was shaken to the core this year? Something you have changed your mind about?
* What has been the biggest discovery?
* If you have a list of things you still want to do in your lifetime, what items have you crossed off this year?
17.12.10
this is our chance
Every day and every minute we have here is to be treasured. Because we don't know how many of those minutes and days are offered. Those of us who are still here we have the opportunity to use these days to the best of our potential, to make these days beautiful. We still have the chance to see the beauty in things, to focus on what is right, to accept and let go what we have to and put it in a different perspective, to seize the day and the opportunities that are presented. It is up to us what we make of a problem or an opportunity.
Today we have the chance to do good, to enjoy what comes along and each other!
Today we have the chance to do good, to enjoy what comes along and each other!
7.12.10
Renewing ourselves
photo from here
I have this idea that I find it challenging to be yourself every day. I mean the idea of having to be you, not being able to escape a bit or be someone else. I think it gets a bit boring, to be you all the time. It would be interesting to be able to be someone else for a few minutes at least every day or something like that. Sometimes when you are in a strange mood, it can be even harder to be and like yourself. ;) I think it's essential to like yourself and be your own best friend, since you are with yourself all the time till the end.
Moreover, I think it can get challenging to find the motivation to carry out your daily activities every day. Sometimes I notice how hard it seems to get motivated or feel excited about preparing for the day or getting dressed to go to work and once I am there it feels better to be with myself.
Sometimes it is hard to be excited and motivated about your dreams. When you decide to go for something there's a high level of initial enthusiasm and empowerment which once you start can wear off a bit with the daily tear. The daily obstacles, not always feeling up for it, feeling tired can get in the way and sap your energy and enthusiasm.
How can you keep up that motivation and like being with yourself again and again? I think it's important to find ways, little ways to recharge your battery, to renew yourself. How can you do that? Almost like working on a relationship with someone else and nurture that relationship every day, we need to find ways to nourish ourselves and renew our energy every day.
- Starting by being good to yourself, by prioritizing and being able to say no, slowing down and taking time to relax and choosing activities that nourish you instead of always being plugged in overdrive.
- Focusing on the positive aspects of your life and remembering everything you do well, everything that makes you unique and loveable;
- finding small ways to change the way you look; literally redesigning yourself a little.
- attending events and activities that offer a new and interesting perspective, reading books that broaden your horizon
- trying out things you have not done before and surprising yourself, discovering new things about yourself.
- shaking up your daily routine a bit by doing something different;
- falling in love, or having multiple relationships..... falling in love with a new song is so refreshing and uplifting
- motivating yourself by giving yourself small goals to work on, such as going to bed earlier every night for example if that helps set in motion a healthier sleeping routine. This helps keep you being conscious and self-aware, facilitates change and reinvention.
So what other changes can you implement to renew yourself and get to like yourself again?
5.12.10
Be curious!
What if everything you have believed about what you are capable of and about your limitations were not true.
What if it turned out you can do the impossible. And that you enjoyed it too!
What if you could actually do what you've thought you'd never be able to?
Everything that holds you back, fear of the unknown, fear of failure, try to replace it with a different attitude, that of curiosity. I have recently managed at something I never thought I would. This has made me question everything about myself. I have become curious to see what else I could do. Out of curiosity I remembered a list of 'will/can-never-do-s' and I am going to approach them with a whole new attitude. Let's see what happens.
Let's see just how much I don't know myself, how I can surprise myself, break through barriers. If you are curious about discovering more about yourself, this can push you to new territories and make you more courageous. As opposed to categorising yourself to being a certain way anyway without hope to change, that's a dead end door.
Trust me, you don't know yourself as well as you think you do. There's unleashed potential within you that you aren't even dreaming of!
4.12.10
on gratefulness
I have spoken and read a lot lately about the importance of being grateful. You can train yourself to tune into an appreciative mindset every day. Making this shift from focusing on what is not working, onto what is good in your life, really helps.
We tend to take things for granted until they are threatened. Last night while having dinner, a friend who recently underwent a complicated surgery was unable to open her mouth for three days. She told us how lucky and grateful she feels she can open her mouth, speak and eat. What a great deal it seems now, something that on any other given day seems only natural.
As we discussed the subject further, another friend said that whenever she is in a bad mood, she consciously tries to turn it around by stating out loud the good things she is grateful for. When she was facing a critical point in her life, she started writing a thankfulness journal where each day she made a small list of things she was grateful for that day. She said this dramatically improved her life.
We tend to take things for granted until they are threatened. Last night while having dinner, a friend who recently underwent a complicated surgery was unable to open her mouth for three days. She told us how lucky and grateful she feels she can open her mouth, speak and eat. What a great deal it seems now, something that on any other given day seems only natural.
As we discussed the subject further, another friend said that whenever she is in a bad mood, she consciously tries to turn it around by stating out loud the good things she is grateful for. When she was facing a critical point in her life, she started writing a thankfulness journal where each day she made a small list of things she was grateful for that day. She said this dramatically improved her life.
"Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more." - David Steindl-Rast
Here's a good article on how being thankful improves relationships. Always notice when someone does something kind for you, instead of thinking they are supposed to or they always do anyway. Don't think that they owe you that kind of kindness or help, be appreciative of their gesture no matter how small, point it out and say thank you, instead of rehashing faults. That switch in your mind-set can make all the difference.
Here's a good article on how being thankful improves relationships. Always notice when someone does something kind for you, instead of thinking they are supposed to or they always do anyway. Don't think that they owe you that kind of kindness or help, be appreciative of their gesture no matter how small, point it out and say thank you, instead of rehashing faults. That switch in your mind-set can make all the difference.
What will matter in the end?
One of my motivating ideas is imagining myself old and thinking about looking back on my life and what I am going to regret. I don't think I will have many regrets about making mistakes and other disappointments, more along the line of chances not taken, opportunities missed.
The other night I got to talking about this subject with my friends and I figured it would be interesting to start making a list of what I am going to regret looking back. I have started the list a few moments ago and it gets interesting. It helps spotlight things that are truly important to you and how you really want to live your life.
As long as you are around, you can work on your list and going for your dreams with more belief. As long as you are here, you are in control of your future, you can start re-writing it today based on what you think will matter at the end of it all.
The other night I got to talking about this subject with my friends and I figured it would be interesting to start making a list of what I am going to regret looking back. I have started the list a few moments ago and it gets interesting. It helps spotlight things that are truly important to you and how you really want to live your life.
As long as you are around, you can work on your list and going for your dreams with more belief. As long as you are here, you are in control of your future, you can start re-writing it today based on what you think will matter at the end of it all.
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