When you want to create a positive change in your life, or adopt a new habit, I think it's essential that you don't fight against an old habit, don't push against an already existing negative habit.
We tend to think that if we push hard enough, we force ourselves and struggle enough, we will get there.
We struggle to avoid, instead of trying to create!
I think it's the change in your attitude, which is about acceptance, permission, kindness to yourself, and being for something positive, looking for the positive change that is going to accomplish!
Acceptance and understanding of the present circumstances is the way to start. What has gotten you here and why. Don't be angry with yourself for being here with the problem, rather try to be your own friend and be accepting and comforting toward your inner child.
Then try to visualise a positive image change, and try to put it into words in a positive way. Instead of saying and thinking: I desperately need to give up smoking because..... and list all sorts of ways that are not truly your own heart's wishes.... try to make that decision your internal true wish, and put the goal into a positive mind-frame. It will be wonderful to be smoke-free because...and list positive changes you will enjoy.
We think it's criticism, non-acceptance and fighting against ourselves that will lead us onto the desired change. But perhaps it's the other way around.
Always be for something, instead of pushing against.
23.10.10
This moment is your time
Don't wait for tomorrow to be happy, or you will spend your life waiting... to be happy when/if something happens. This is it, the time will never be better for you to be happy.
“You overlook what is already ‘here’ as you chase after ‘there’; you miss the ‘sacred now’ as you ponder your ‘next step’; you forget to be grateful for what ‘is’ as you prey after ‘more’. You search, struggle, and strive, but you never arrive because you can’t get past the thought that something is missing.” — Robert Holden
The Structure
I remember a few years ago when I was discussing not working with someone, she said that the structure is needed that's provided by weekdays and weekends. Not having a clear picture of what the weekends mean, and lacking that structure makes life chaotic. It really rang a bell.
Now I clearly see the difference.
The structure of work-free time creates a balance.
You know that this is your time to get ready, get dressed and go to work. Then you will know this is the time to relax and unwind because this is your free time. And you will learn to look at it differently. To appreciate it and try to make the most it.
I think the ritual of getting ready and going to work, being there is also important. As opposed to doing work from home, which again can get chaotic in my opinion.
This Saturday I am not working in between two working weekends and last night when I turned in, I actually said out loud that I cannot wait for tomorrow. Suddenly less free time means more time. Because you learn to treat time differently and make the most of it, you learn to structure it, you are less likely to waste it, knowing how precious it is.
I am not all about balance and knowing limits. :) So this change has been helpful for me in this respect also. Another interesting thing I have noticed is that sometimes work is soo stressful with so many people and so many tasks at once, other times though it is lazy and slow and I suddenly find myself with nothing to do, which unnerves me.
So I have come to appreciate stress at work, believing that although it feels bad momentarily, it is sure to teach me skills like handling difficult situations, multitasking etc. A lot of work at work will mean I am learning and developing.
Perhaps there's a time for work and relaxation... and that kind of structure is needed in our lives. .....
Now I clearly see the difference.
The structure of work-free time creates a balance.
You know that this is your time to get ready, get dressed and go to work. Then you will know this is the time to relax and unwind because this is your free time. And you will learn to look at it differently. To appreciate it and try to make the most it.
I think the ritual of getting ready and going to work, being there is also important. As opposed to doing work from home, which again can get chaotic in my opinion.
This Saturday I am not working in between two working weekends and last night when I turned in, I actually said out loud that I cannot wait for tomorrow. Suddenly less free time means more time. Because you learn to treat time differently and make the most of it, you learn to structure it, you are less likely to waste it, knowing how precious it is.
I am not all about balance and knowing limits. :) So this change has been helpful for me in this respect also. Another interesting thing I have noticed is that sometimes work is soo stressful with so many people and so many tasks at once, other times though it is lazy and slow and I suddenly find myself with nothing to do, which unnerves me.
So I have come to appreciate stress at work, believing that although it feels bad momentarily, it is sure to teach me skills like handling difficult situations, multitasking etc. A lot of work at work will mean I am learning and developing.
Perhaps there's a time for work and relaxation... and that kind of structure is needed in our lives. .....
learning to be appreciative
I was writing in my journal for all the things I am grateful for, after a really happy week, when the next day my father died. I don't think I had ever before written about being happy and appreciative before that event.
Unfortunately, the trauma has made me wary about feeling things are going well, or being appreciative for fear of jinxing it.
But lately I have understood the power of appreciation. Taking time to consciously say thank you for little things that you may otherwise take for granted and be appreciative of everything you get, you get to do, are able to do, is a very positive ritual you can practice. Focusing on the positive in situations, learning to see the lesson and the hidden message in difficult situations is a skill you can develop at any time. And so according to the Law of Attraction, if you focus on the positive you will get more of it. If you concentrate on the lacking and everything that's not working, without trying to see the silver lining, it will only make you feel worse.
Practice giving blessings, or saying thank you in your mind, or out loud daily. And when something negative happens, try to do the same thing, think: yes that may be true, but it is great that....
Unfortunately, the trauma has made me wary about feeling things are going well, or being appreciative for fear of jinxing it.
But lately I have understood the power of appreciation. Taking time to consciously say thank you for little things that you may otherwise take for granted and be appreciative of everything you get, you get to do, are able to do, is a very positive ritual you can practice. Focusing on the positive in situations, learning to see the lesson and the hidden message in difficult situations is a skill you can develop at any time. And so according to the Law of Attraction, if you focus on the positive you will get more of it. If you concentrate on the lacking and everything that's not working, without trying to see the silver lining, it will only make you feel worse.
Practice giving blessings, or saying thank you in your mind, or out loud daily. And when something negative happens, try to do the same thing, think: yes that may be true, but it is great that....
18.10.10
update
what a great placeI always enjoy an involuntary digital sabbatical- for a while to see what difference it makes in my everyday life. One of the most difficult things is finding ways to wake up in the morning when I am not working, I always wake up with the computer.
My trance-y state is what I missed most, because I couldn't do music at work. It's lovely to find songs again to fall in love with.
In the past few days I have been faced with the possibility of losing all my data on the computer, files, photos, I have just realised I would have lost all photos I have of Aprilia. When thoughts were to overwhelm me, I immediately tried to find thoughts that would comfort me. It occured to me something I have read " It is just a thought and a thought can be changed." So I instantly knew that the fact of perhaps losing everything was not what bothered me but my thoughts about it and my thoughts are my designs, therefore can be changed as I please. So how I am going to feel is in my control.
Libraria Universitatea on V Alecsandri has a plethora of great self-development, positive thinking and spiritual books. I am reading Esther and Jerry Hicks Ask and it is given for a second time, to let it all sink in.
6.10.10
Be who you are Not!
I have always been an advocate of being who you are, only lately have I noticed the possibilities in being who you are not!
Doing things you don't generally do, wearing things you don't generally wear, going to places you don't usually go to, there's challenge in doing what you are not used to and discovering new sides to you.
I have recently become fascinated with something that is completely not my taste. And before trying, I said no way would I like that. I am surprised. More and more I am surprised by enjoying stuff that go against my nature which I thought I knew, my taste which I was so sure of.
Don't be sure of your true nature, become fascinated by not knowing who you are and rediscovering yourself, reinventing yourself.
Continue being self-aware and loosen your grip on a firm sense of identity.
Doing things you don't generally do, wearing things you don't generally wear, going to places you don't usually go to, there's challenge in doing what you are not used to and discovering new sides to you.
I have recently become fascinated with something that is completely not my taste. And before trying, I said no way would I like that. I am surprised. More and more I am surprised by enjoying stuff that go against my nature which I thought I knew, my taste which I was so sure of.
Don't be sure of your true nature, become fascinated by not knowing who you are and rediscovering yourself, reinventing yourself.
Continue being self-aware and loosen your grip on a firm sense of identity.
4.10.10
Guilt is a useless feeling
There are topics I love and always mean to write about. Guilt is a favorite.
Today's quote I have just seen, made me so excited:
"I release all feelings of worry and guilt. Throughout life, the two most futile emotions are guilt for what has been done and worry about what might be done." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
it makes me so thrilled right now to hear this. I have long been saying that guilt, remorse and those feelings of pangs of consciousness are useless!
Some of us may think that feeling guilt after you think you have done something wrong shows character or that you are a good person after all who resents having done that. So you say or think that you feel remorseful after something you should not have done.
I think it's all in the S H O U L D S.
I think Guilt is not you.
I think if you have done something, there IS NO reason to feel guilty about it.
If you did it, it probably means you really wanted to do it, even if you kind of felt you shouldn't have because it's wrong (says who?). But since you are the one who really wanted to, why feel guilt? What is the point? You probably knew very well what you were doing and YOU probably thought it was right too! By your standards. Guilt is about the others' expectations.
Guilt does not wash away anything and does not make you a great person, it doesn't give validity to any of the character traits you long for. If you truly think you have done something wrong or made a mistake work around ways to rectify it but don't feel guilty, that doesn't help in any way!
Guilt is not Yours! It's imposed by society of what should and shouldn't be done by a 'good person of integrity'. Guilt is not your voice, therefore it is not valid.
Give the old guilt a good kick in the butt, be you, do what you want. Abide by your truth! There's no guilt in your authentic voice!
Today's quote I have just seen, made me so excited:
"I release all feelings of worry and guilt. Throughout life, the two most futile emotions are guilt for what has been done and worry about what might be done." - Dr. Wayne Dyer
it makes me so thrilled right now to hear this. I have long been saying that guilt, remorse and those feelings of pangs of consciousness are useless!
Some of us may think that feeling guilt after you think you have done something wrong shows character or that you are a good person after all who resents having done that. So you say or think that you feel remorseful after something you should not have done.
I think it's all in the S H O U L D S.
I think Guilt is not you.
I think if you have done something, there IS NO reason to feel guilty about it.
If you did it, it probably means you really wanted to do it, even if you kind of felt you shouldn't have because it's wrong (says who?). But since you are the one who really wanted to, why feel guilt? What is the point? You probably knew very well what you were doing and YOU probably thought it was right too! By your standards. Guilt is about the others' expectations.
Guilt does not wash away anything and does not make you a great person, it doesn't give validity to any of the character traits you long for. If you truly think you have done something wrong or made a mistake work around ways to rectify it but don't feel guilty, that doesn't help in any way!
Guilt is not Yours! It's imposed by society of what should and shouldn't be done by a 'good person of integrity'. Guilt is not your voice, therefore it is not valid.
Give the old guilt a good kick in the butt, be you, do what you want. Abide by your truth! There's no guilt in your authentic voice!
3.10.10
Mentoring yourself
Last night as I was watching one of the talent shows, one of the participants said: "I would like to work with a mentor who sees my hidden possibilities." I love talent shows because it's very interesting to watch talented people being discovered and reinvented.
Can you try to be your own mentor? Do you see your possibilities?
2.10.10
3 random thoughts
- Your style is in the way you move. The way you put your feet down! It's in your presence like that.
- No matter how bad you think your natural eyebrows look, they look better than any tattooed eyebrows!
- The only thing that matters in a queue is the order in which people came. How tired you are, or how old you are, whether you are a man or a woman does not matter. Respect the order!
- If you want to make someone feel bad, go ahead and say anytime: "You look tired!" Always works.
mini clubbing gathering at work
Yesterday evening I found out I would have to work overtime and stay in an uncertain hours longer. It hit me out of the blue and it was my clubbing Friday. What bothered me most is the unknown of how much longer I would need to stay, it could range from one hour to half the night.
As I was preparing myself for the deal, I got a couple of phone calls from friends who were more than happy to come over and keep me company. It was almost midnight when I closed the clinic, but time passed by pleasantly in good company.
Negative thinking though made its mark on the event and looking back I now see that the whole thing was kind of funny and interesting, out-of-the-ordinary. Since I was looking forward to two free days, there was no real reason I should have looked at it as some horrible ordeal.
I know that negative thinking and constantly worrying -when can I leave, why do I have to stay, why me?- created more useless drama than the event itself.
It was only my way of thinking that 'made' the event so dramatic.
In reality I was lucky that my friends were free and were kind enough to want to stay with me. In reality it was almost like hanging out with them after work at a restaurant, minus the food :), even more interesting in a way.
My favorite saying from Shakespeare that it is neither good nor bad but we make it so is so true. It was basically me who wore myself out by my thinking, not the actual situation.
Try to always notice the hidden blessing in every situation instead of giving in and tiring yourself with negative thinking.
As I was preparing myself for the deal, I got a couple of phone calls from friends who were more than happy to come over and keep me company. It was almost midnight when I closed the clinic, but time passed by pleasantly in good company.
Negative thinking though made its mark on the event and looking back I now see that the whole thing was kind of funny and interesting, out-of-the-ordinary. Since I was looking forward to two free days, there was no real reason I should have looked at it as some horrible ordeal.
I know that negative thinking and constantly worrying -when can I leave, why do I have to stay, why me?- created more useless drama than the event itself.
It was only my way of thinking that 'made' the event so dramatic.
In reality I was lucky that my friends were free and were kind enough to want to stay with me. In reality it was almost like hanging out with them after work at a restaurant, minus the food :), even more interesting in a way.
My favorite saying from Shakespeare that it is neither good nor bad but we make it so is so true. It was basically me who wore myself out by my thinking, not the actual situation.
Try to always notice the hidden blessing in every situation instead of giving in and tiring yourself with negative thinking.
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